usogi | [ i already regret sasuke and senri ]

[ . . . . . and he presses his forehead into his hand

senri is having the same problem i am oocly i guess]

.... I just need you to defect to Justice tomorrow so someone I trust is with him and I'm going to try to figure out which god I need to switch to so none of them die next week.

[ . . . . ]

I want... to talk to you about all that. But... we might need to save it for when you're not cursed. So I don't have to think so hard about whether you're telling me the truth or not.

[He sighs. Senri is tired. Sasuke is tired. Everyone is tired.]

Fine.

[They'll talk at the start of the new week, he guesses. When they aren't freezing to death and cursed (hopefully).]

I want to know something.

[THEY'RE ALL SO TIRED and senri is shivering, it's fine.

anyway okay. senri will nudge the plate over to sasuke, though he's also taking a rice ball for himself because he's hungry.]

Go for it.

[His eyes lower to the plate, but he doesn't reach out for any of the rice balls yet.]

Do you know if gods can be accomplices when it comes to their followers? Or other followers?

[EAT, BINCH

senri is chewing thoughtfully as he eats]

.... no, I don't. I haven't asked that directly, so I can't confirm that, but if you don't ask Cheri next week, let me know and I can.

But I think that'd go against the rule that the gods have to stay out of the way, and let things happen to participants.

Mm.

[It's probably an agreement. He doesn't do anything for a moment except sigh quietly under his breath. Reaching out, he begrudgingly takes one of the rice balls to eat. Fine. He'll eat.]

Next week, Cunning... [Damn. Curse.] Cunning is probably not hosting.

[ . . . ]

He's going to get more followers?

I don't have to go to him?

[HE WAS GOING TO FUCKING TRY, BINCH]

Or - wait. Is that a....

I hate your curse.

I didn't go give the map back. [Good luck sorting out all these riddles.] And I didn't try to convince him to host next week.

[ha ha]

[okay better]

... but do you know anything about if he has enough followers...

[Unfortunately, he shakes his head.]

One left. Do you know Takaomi's god?

Yes. I'm not telling you that though.

[ . . . ]

I know... a third of the current alignments. It might change once Dizzy's rule hits but....

[ . . . he pouts]

As long as you tell me why you need to know - and swear on Justice that you don't lie - I'll tell you anyone you need to know except Ray and Bakaomi.

I don't swear.

[:)]

I don... It doesn... [UGH.] Forget it. We can talk about it Monday when this damn curse is gone.

.... okay.

[ . . . ]

There's someone here suspicious of me, and I don't think they trust me. I don't think they'll go after me specifically.... but I thought you should know.

And I'll tell you who, if you promise not to hurt them unprovoked.

[He makes a disgruntled face, but it doesn't seem angry? Maybe... concerned.]

Who? And why?

[... he hesitates still, but eventually answers - ]

It's the person who cursed me.

Probably for the same reasons - I know a lot, about plenty of people and gods, so I look suspicious. I'm well-trusted, so it means I can be dangerous if I wasn't... well. Me.

They're naturally distrusting but... came to a different conclusion than you and Ray-kun, for some reason.

[His brows come together slowly. Honestly, he can’t blame anyone for thinking Senri is sus and sketchy. Juggling that much power on the downlow is dangerous.]

Who?

... Mizuki-san.

[ . . . ]

But - they're the only person that I know aligned with Beauty, and... I'd sooner lose the game than see anything happen to him.

So... whatever happens there, please act carefully.

[Amazingly, Sasuke actually doesn’t look all that surprised to hear the name. Hm. The way his face relaxes is at least some reassurance he hasn’t yet planned any murdering sprees.]

What do you think they’re suspicious of you for? What end—killing? They told me they didn’t care about the gods and the gods’ world. They think you’re helping orchestrate kills? [A pause.]

You realize you may be unintentionally depending on how much you talk.

... Dizzy said that whoever got away with it this time is a good actor. I'm one of the best - so you know that puts a target on my back? Ah, why did she say it like that....

I think Mizuki-san latched onto that - on top of how much I know.... but it's not like I tell everyone everything. I was trying to tell them information because they're smarter than I am.... and I don't know what to do with everything that I know, or how to help everyone with it.

[he pouts, because he's pretty bummed that revealing his hand managed to backfire on him so badly. this is what he gets for outsourcing thinking tbh]

... I guess I can't blame them but it's still... I can't help anyone if something happens to me....

Idiot.

[Sasuke heaves a jittery sort of sigh, bringing the mugs to his lips, but not to drink. He rests the side of the thing against his chin and lips as if to keep them warmed up.]

Something like that will happen. [He closes his eyes in irritation, but doesn't try to waste his breath figuring out how to correct that.] I'll let it.

[ . . . and senri just laughs a little bit at that - the words are off, but the sentiment manages to reach him. he curls up so that he can draw his knees to his chest, resting his cheek on top of them as he looks over at Sasuke with a sort of fond disbelief.]

... mm-hmm.

I know. I believe in you.

[a beat.]

Thank you for taking care of me too, Sasuke.

[Purposefully, of course, he keeps his eyes down and his face mostly hidden behind the mug. He may or may not also secretly have some of the rice ball behind it, too.

But he still won't meet Senri's gaze unless Senri happens to talk. Time to shiver in quiet, gay silence.]

[ . . . . yeah. Senri will let that sit for a little bit, because it's easier. and he thinks about this - and how much he might still be keeping close to the chest. Sasuke practically know already, doesn't he... but it might feel a little bit different coming from Senri's mouth.

he closes his eyes and pulls his blanket closer around him. if sasuke will be quiet - he'll tell a story.]

.... Seanbon's never had a family. He told me... he made his wing out of what he thought it would look like, not because it was something he ever experienced. When I was there, I played family with some people too... Majima-san, Mizuki-san, Madopyon... I liked it a lot. But they still don't know everything about me. I don't know... if I'll get to tell them.

[ . . . ]

Seanbon doesn't like playing pretend games - that's what he told me. Even though pretend games is what I'm really good at. A musician, a writer, a sporty person - I spent a lot of time pretending to be things that I could be, but at the end of the day, I wasn't. It made me just as good with people off-stage as I was on-stage, if I could read them, and give them what they wanted. They would say nice things about me. They would remember me, for two seconds, for five minutes, for a few hours -

It was easier than admitting that in reality, I didn't have anyone. No friends who knew anything about me. No family. I came here because - I thought I could use a wish to find them. To find someone who would have to care about me unconditionally - no matter what lies I told, or... maybe even without any lies.

[and he presses his face into his knees, somewhere between embarrassed and ashamed]

It's so... stupid now... Everyone has amazing wishes - and maybe that's why... I want to make sure I don't win alone, that as many people can win as possible. I'm just too afraid to admit to everyone that I'm such a narrow-minded, selfish person.

[Maybe it isn't a surprise that Sasuke listens because he's very much a quiet and reserved person. It's easy to listen because it means he isn't talking about himself.

But he wonders, looking at the fire and listening, what Naruto would wish for if given this chance. What Sakura would wish for, what Kakashi would wish for, but mainly what Naruto, if pulled from their meeting in the Valley on the statues, would more than anything else.

It wouldn't be anything like his wish, would it? It would be... thoughtful, selfless, something that would help others, the village, and maybe that's why Justice spoke to him so well. It was just... all he saw, all he had been jealous of in Naruto.

Maybe he and Senri are alike in that regard.

He's quiet for a long time before he turns his head enough to glance over at Senri, brows pulled somewhat together.] Mine is. [The fact everything he says is backwards... might make it easier, he thinks.] My wish... isn't selfish.

I needed... to protect the village from being destroyed. After getting rid of Naruto who... kept... I needed the power to... keep all the ninja villages... the same, how they always had been.

[Surprisingly, there's a defeated, apologetic look on his face.]

[ . . . he had a feeling.

he'd had a feeling for a long time - for over a week now - but it's something else to hear sasuke admit to him directly. he watches him, but the look on senri's face isn't one of judgment. there's only the slight surprise of being opened up to, and then his heart getting stuck in his throat.

this happened - when you fake everything, when you work off scripts and only scripts - and he suddenly doesn't know what to do when something very real and very fragile is put in front of him. he can feel the cold feet creeping in, the thing that leaves him immobilized in difficult situations]

.... I know that it's because you wanted something better. I know that you wanted to help everyone, but you didn't know any other way to do it. I'm not mad - and I don't hate you.

[ . . . ]

Can I try that hug now?

[ i already regret sasuke and senri ]

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