usogi | [ i already regret sasuke and senri ]

[For a long moment, he’s quiet, thinking. He remembers... talking to Merriment. He wants to forget the truths of that conversation, but he can’t. Friends... It’s a difficult relationship to parse when people are so different.

Reaching up, he catches Senri’s forearm and holds the arm still between them. His eye looks down then slowly back up.] Friends... [He thinks about Naruto and Sakura. Senri gets a strange swelter of emotion breaking through the gloom—it’s so odd. Guilt, but... peace and understanding. Being loved. The warm and steady roll of friends whose love you can feel, sturdy. A longing for them when they’re missing. A wound, not exactly healed, a fester of scar tissue being soothed.]

...true friends, don’t give up on you. No matter... how far into the darkness you walk. You won’t stop them from taking care of you.

[ . . . . god dammit.

senri feels the emotions and - he struggles with them initially. because on one part he's happy. sasuke can feel that too, the happiness of someone understanding how friendship works, but... there's still the feeling as if he doesn't deserve this. as if he's always going to be more trouble than he's worth.

the endless pulse that he wouldn't be surprised if he's still left alone at the end of the day, no matter how hard he fights it.

still, he smiles - a soft and fragile thing.]

... remember when we first met?

[when they had two entirely different conversations about the same topic: friendship, and how hard it can be to accept, and what friends are meant to do]

I never thought you'd turn the tables on me.

I...

[He just frowns, not knowing what to say about how this occurred. In four weeks, ripped away from his powers, a ninja war, his own problems, he’s had time to understand and listen to others. He’s... had time. It isn’t much different than being with Team 7 from the beginning, back when he had started to do so well before Itachi swept the cards into disarray.]

I thought it got in my way... back home. I thought... they were holding me back. I wasn’t strong enough to beat Itachi, and... they would have been better off without me like I would have been better off without them. So I could focus... on getting revenge for my clan. But... it was a lie. I was living in my own fantasy, and I...

[It isn’t guilt so much as a deep, weighty regret.]

I didn’t want to see that... they never gave up on me. No matter how much I tried to make them hate me. They still... tried to bring me back. Naruto... never gave up on his promise. [His hand loosens to let Senri’s arm go.] Takaomi would do the same for you.

[ . . . . he knows that. there's an understanding in his chest - because he knows what it's like to have friends like that, somehow. it's a weird, odd feeling in his chest, one that couples together with guilt and confusion because he doesn't think he deserves it. but.

when sasuke lets senri's arm go, he'll just raise both of his hands to rest on sasuke's shoulders, as if to anchor him. to keep him in place again.]

... they care about you. I get the sentiment, too. And I'm... really glad that you have people like that.

[ . . . ]

I don't think I would've been better off without you here. So... please listen to me - and don't blame yourself for my mistakes, when I know that you were just trying to take care of me - like a good friend. You did take care of me.

You still caught me.

[His face gently pinches. He doesn’t want to hear these soft and caring words out of Senri. He wants Senri to hate him. It’s easier that way, he thought? If Naruto and Sakura and all over his peers hated him. If the village hated him. If everyone here hated him. It’d be easier to play this game and come out unscathed and winning.]

I said I would.

[He doesn’t feel as if he did, but he’s too tired to argue with Senri about it. Not when the two of them have had such a wild run in the forest of the east wing. Next time... this time... he’ll just have to try harder. Be smarter.

Maybe take a little of Merriment’s advice.]

... and you did - because I would be a lot worse off if I didn't have you.

[and there's still the complicated emotions regarding that - because they're strung red, and sasuke lost an eye because of it, because of senri's stupid selfish request when he should've thought to bring more people along too. ah, there were so many things that he could've done... and he just shakes his head as he steps in closer to sasuke again to give him a hug whether he was expecting or wanted it or not]

... I can still feel what you feel, you know?

And that guilt coming from you... I don't know how to get rid of it - but I need you to know that I'm grateful for what you've done for me, and how you've saved me from myself.

[Most of him grows tense when Senri loops arms around him. But... his feelings don’t lie. He isn’t an actor like Senri, no matter how well he can pretend to be an asshole.

There’s relief and gratitude. A soft ball of of things that never seemed like they would come from him. An unyielding, undying passion. Uchihas love so exceptionally—their families, their friends. Hate never comes unless what they care for most is ripped from them, and the love overshadows it every time anyway. It pours out of him, like a bottle uncorked. A little chaotic, a little much, almost as if he’s afraid to be hurt, somewhat terrifying. One of the things he guards with everything he has.

His shoulders slouch, his body giving up. The tension doesn’t drain so much as loosen. His face drops gently into the curve where Senri’s shoulder meets the neck, careful of his bandaged eye.]

[a little bit of anxiety in senri's gut unfurls.

there was worry over sasuke - how he was feeling, if he had someone taking care of him, whether he was still doing more things that were dangerous - but now it eases. at least when sasuke's in his arms like this, senri know he can't go anywhere, he can't do any damage to hurt himself. he breathes out a sigh of relief as sasuke curls a little bit into him, and senri only lets his hand come up to sasuke's hair, running through it in a way that he hopes is soothing.

once, he would've been paralyzed by this. it would be too fragile of a moment for him to hold, too fearful that he'd do something wrong, too uncertain of what it meant to have a real, sincere relationship with another person that wasn't just smoke and mirrors.

but now he sighs and he smiles, careful as it is]

... we'll be okay. I still have faith in you.

[For some time, he stays there, loose and held with his eye shut. He doesn’t turn his head or lift his arms. It’s... Senri gets a gentle bounce of calm. A tight, squeezing ball of worry unfurling for the time being.]

I was going to try to find the person who killed Fortune. [He’s not sure why he admits it now other than the fact he is tired. No... Not that even. Someone told him... maybe he should consider talking and things wouldn’t turn out so badly all the time.] But...

You defected, and I didn’t have a favor to ask to stay awake for curfew. Ruin will probably die unless someone has an ability that can protect her. It won’t matter how strong she claims to be.

[ . . . and senri will just sigh quietly. he doesn't move either, instead just letting his fingers run through sasuke's hair as he speaks, thinking as he does.]

... why do you think I'm staying with you tonight, instead of with Ishirin-san?

[he can't say much more than that, though.]

Please don't ask me to say more, but... you're not the only one who's trying.

I know that Ray involved you in his plan for Saturday, and I have one too. If you'll let me borrow your coin, I'm going to try to get everyone to show me their coins. I think it'll give a hint about who's defected and who hasn't. It'll help give us an idea of who left Ruin, too....

Don’t worry about me. Stay with who you want.

[Slowly, he lifts his head up and straightens without exactly pulling away. The frown is there, followed by a fleeting zip of guilt.]

If you want. I’ve defected since arriving. It’s... [He shifts, using his good arm to dig into his pocket. The coin he brings out is so terribly tarnished. Obviously he isn’t lying about defecting. He lets it lay open on his palm raised between them.] There.

I told Ray... I would let him know if they were lying when he gave the signal.

No, that's... [ . . . sasuke use your damn brain. he levels sasuke with a Look.] ... I need you to not talk to Ishirin-san about it, because I don't know how much he trusts you but. He's way ahead of you, and has the power to do what you wanted to.

[please understand,,,,]

That's fine... That means we'll have your coin, my twice-defected coin, Ray-kun's once-defected coin, and Shishimaru's perfect coin. If we have them for comparison, we can figure it out.

He told me your signals and to cover for you so you don't get too much attention so... It'll be okay.

There's something else I was told... but I don't know if I can share it with you yet. I'm not sure what to do about it, or what it means, so I'll tell you when I can. I need to check something with another god first.

[His face pinches softly with consideration and thought. Damn, he can’t keep anything a secret unless he keeps his mouth shut. Ray betrayed him. It’s fine. He never explicitly told Ray to keep it a secret anyway.]

Mm.

[There isn’t anything for him to do but accept what Senri is willing to give. He glances away a moment. A feeling of helplessness rumbles up, strangling. If he only had his chakra... if he could use his eyes’ abilities. He could have easily obtained the truth, or locked someone in an illusion, or even had them do what he wanted.]

And you kept whining about how I wouldn’t tell you anything.

[ . . . . . dammit. there's the little feeling of guilt and senri winces, and pouts.]

... I'll tell you what I know, but you can't be mad at me. And you have to trust me, too, and not do anything else on your own that'll make me worry. If you're using my information, then I should get to know what you're going to do with it.

[exactly how much does senri have,]

And you make dinner tonight.

[This time, Senri is the one who gets a Look. Wtf. Why does Senri have all this fucking—no, you know what. Sasuke being in the dark is literally his entire character arc. This is IC and apprpriate.]

What?

I have one eye. Are you being a baby or do you actually trust me to cook? I’m not a housewife.

It's a trade... and if I'm talking to you about what I know, then I'll be distracted and might make a mistake on our food on accident. I don't want to eat something bad.

[that's why!!]

I'll make a dessert - something not too sweet.

[this fuckng baby]

Fine. [For a moment, he looks thoughtful.] Meet me in the east wing later. [He’ll try to make something simple.] Forget dessert. Unless you want it. I don’t... eat dessert.

.... do you want some information now before then?

[?????

is sasuke going to sincerity to dress nice again, senri's losing track of why he leaves so often]

[SHUT UP]

Ten minutes. You’ll talk enough then. Go, and I’ll meet you there.

[ . . . . senri will finally let go of sasuke and try to look at him as if he can get any hints about what's happening]

... okay....

I'll see you then.

[???]

[He gives Senri two fingers to the forehead?] Later. [And then he draws away to leave.

No Sincerity this time. He has to detour to the kitchen to get food supplies. The pavilion in the east wing already has food in mass assortment, but that isn’t the point. Sasuke agreed to make food, and it was almost enough of a challenge to be considered one this week.

He has to chop most of it into smaller, easily cooked portions which turns out to not be quite as bad as he expected. He finally comes wandering into the camp fifteen or so minutes later, two hands full. One has a cloth sack, the other has a pot and a... grate?] Come on. [He figures Senri is making idle and waiting.

Sasuke takes them to the amphitheater, up close by the fire pit. The grate is used as a grill. The sack he hands to Senri, full of cut meat and a lot of veggies. A bottle of water he uses to fill thr pot and put it on one side of the grate to be heated.

Hot! pot!!

He also brought two bowls and chipsticks.]

[oh my god

he's so happy

sasuke can feel how happy senri is when he takes the sack of food and looks between it and the food and oh god his stomach is growling]

Ahhh, next time we invite Ray-kun and Shishimaru!!

[HOW OFTEN IS HE GOING TO MAKE SASUKE DO THIS]

[this fucking big dumb gay

He doesn’t quite get why Senri is so happy about... this. Anyway, the takes the bowls to go see if he can get them filled with rice at least at the pavilion, and then he returns again with two huge helpings.]

Take them back some when we’re finished.

Okay - we can bring it back to Ray and Beauty too...

[he seems to have picked up in his mood a little bit? he smiles as he takes his bowl of rice - ]

Thank you for the meal....!

[and as he digs through to get some veggies for the hot pot - ]

I know half of current participant alignments, or something like that. Fifteen out of thirty-one...? I've mostly caught up after all the switches from last week to figure out where everyone's gone.

So far at least three of the Ambition players used Advancement Opportunity last week to make people switch, on top of the results of Dizzy's rule to speak to other gods. But a lot of people are also going back to their original gods after this week, but I'll check in with the numbers to see if that's true.

[Quietly, carefully, he sits by the fire and lets Senri fiddle with the pot and the vegetables. Once they’re mostly started, he spreads a few pieces of the meat out over the grate of the grill to let it fry.]

That explains someone forcing me to defect. [He doesn’t sound—or feel—angry?] It was wasted on me. I was already defecting anyway. It didn’t work.

[He tips his head further back than usual just so he can see Senri.]

Edited (words) 2019-03-14 23:24 (UTC)

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