usogi | [ canonmates who don't trust each other for shit babey ]

- can you see it too? The photo?

[it's muffled, and through like shuddery cries but like.]

It's not a mirage? I can't tell if someone is messing with me....

Huh?

[ he has to reach over to try to grab it so he can turn it over. ]

[it's a family photo - essentially.

it's an idealized sort of family, with people who certainly didn't pose for the picture all together. but they're faces that taka would recognize from the game, other participants who senri's grown fond of over the course of the game, and some gods too. senri's in the middle, because of course here is, but right by him there's taka. sasuke. ray. ishikirimaru. majima. madoka. zoe. shiki.

justice, sincerity, and beauty are also all in the photo - though some may be masked based on whether taka's seen them remove their mask before, otherwise they remain covered.

for this instant in the photo, everyone looks happy and healthy, like they all get along in one big, happy family.

like everything senri ever could've wanted.]

Oh...

[ he looks it over, turning it in his hands. the confusion in his face is evident, although his expression softens a bit at seeing shiki. ]

Where did you get this?

It was just in my pocket....

[and he's just going to cling onto taka a little bit more]

I thought someone might've used Mirage on me but.... you see it too, right? [he shifts if only so he can squeeze a hand in to wipe at his teary eye] I don't.... know what to do about it....

[he's overwhelmed by both happiness and sadness at the same time? he doesn't know what his emotions are doing]

[ he gently sets it back down to the futon and goes back to rubbing senri's back. ]

... is it sad?

[ he knows senri loves these people and that he doesn't want to leave them. and that the closer they get to the end, they harder it'll be. ]

.... Happy endings don't exist in nonfiction.

[it's just a mumbled little statement, and he sighs even as he seems to settle a little more now that he knows that he's not cursed, and under taka's care and attention. he closes his eye and continues to lean against him, taking in the comfort]

.... but it's like I told Ishirin-san...

'Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.

So I think... it's sad, but it's... sort of a sadness that I'm glad that I get to feel.

[to have something so warm and important that you're afraid to lose it]

... it's okay to be sad.

[ it's funny, because he figures that whoever did this was trying to be nice. it's kind of sweet, but...

sometimes kindness hurts. ]

You'll be okay. You probably won't feel okay, especially at first, but... you will.

... I know.

[he does. he's aware of it - that this is an emotion that he needs to work through. senri isn't a particularly booksmart person, but his pulse on emotions, on others and his own, manages to be fairly competent. he breathes in quietly, and out.

in a sense, this photo holds plenty of what he was looking for. people who stood by him, despite his lies. all he wanted was to experience what everyone else did - to have people who would look at even the less polished, less pristine parts of him, and wouldn't look away.

he'll lose that soon, and he's not entirely sure if he'll be able to rebuild it again but.]

... I have you. I'll be sad but... I still get to have you.

[... and that's still more than he ever had before.]

[ taka knows that no matter how much love he gives to senri, he'll never be able to fill the hole that all of these people will leave in him.

but if he can make things a little easier until senri can fully look at this picture as a happy memory instead of a sad reminder of what he lost, then... ]

Yeah. Always. We'll go back to the dorm together, and when we graduate, we'll live together.

[ his expression turns into one a little more nervous as be voices that last part out loud. they haven't really discussed a future that doesn't involve the academy. ]

[ah.

senri pauses at that - and for a moment, he's distracted. it's not as though the sudden sadness of realizing that the family that he built for himself is slipping through his fingers disappears quite so easily. it's not something easily solved, easily forgotten.

but.

he'd told someone that his wish for a family didn't quite mean so much to him anymore. not when he still had a chance at it once he got home, not when at the end of the day, he would always have takaomi. and takaomi might not be blood family, he might not be able to tell senri what he was like when he was younger, or share funny stories of his childhood that he didn't know.

but he'd held senri's hand through everything so far, and to be offering any more than that - ]

... you - want to?

[he doesn't look up. he can't look up. but his fingers in taka's shirt might curl in just a little tighter.]

You'll stay with me that long...?

[that's so many christmases, so many winters to not be lonely.]

... I'll stay with you for as long as you'll have me.

[ it's funny, because takaomi is the opposite of senri, who clings so tightly to any connection he can get.

because takaomi pushes people away. he's annoyed by his family who shower him in attention. he sabotages his own chances at finding people who understand him. he has no issues with helping people, but he doesn't allow the reverse to happen. it's better that way. it's safer.

and it'll take work. but he wants to try. ]

I want to be with you, Senri. I-- [ he pauses, biting his lower lip before continuing. ] I want to be your family.

[it's not as though senri thought that this relationship would have an end. it's not as though he and taka aren't compatible, when it comes to the core of things. it's not as though he's bad at keeping relationships, when he puts the time and even the barest effort into it.

but being family is - different. you don't choose your family. you find them. senri's discovered that too - day by day, moment by moment, painful chance by painful chance.

(senri's been in trouble plenty of times here. he feels once again like he's being saved.)

he looks up at taka then, and it takes a second for him to say anything at all, though when he does it's so plain, so simple, and so sincere:]

Please be my family.

Please - be with me.

If it's you - [as long as it's you] - I'll always want you.

[ he lets out a breath, and his hands move to cup both sides of senri's face. his fingers trace from his cheek and slowly, slowly, to his lips, before he leans in to press their foreheads together.

his heart is so full, he feels like he's about to burst from this overwhelming surge of emotion. ]

Then I'm going to be with you. Forever.

[ it sounds like such a long time, especially in the realm of immortal gods. but it doesn't seem long enough right now. ]

[forever.

senri melts under the attention, and the affection. and he thinks about how much he hates that he was crying before this, because he's sure without question that his face must still be gross but - taka doesn't seem to mind. taka still cares for him, and senri breathes out a small shudder as he reaches up to hold tightly onto taka's wrists.

he meets his gaze and hums softly, but certainly.]

.... I believe in forever with you.

It'll be the first happy ending I put my faith in.

It won't be an ending.

[ he readjusts senri's hold, so that they're holding hands instead. ]

Isn't that what forever means, my dumb rabbit?

[ he brings senri's hand closer so he can press a kiss to it. ]

[he's.

so... cute.

and senri's heart does a little flip in his chest at the kiss to his hand, and he melts into the affection. his fingers adjust so that they can interlace with taka's instead, holding his hands close a little bit more away from his face until he can lean in and press their lips together instead, soft and sweet.]

A happy life together then.

You and me, my stupid lion.

[ he kisses him back, and he's certain that his heart is going to beat out of his chest.

later today, they're going to part ways as takaomi goes to investigate during curfew, and senri stays behind with sasuke. and taka will leave him with a heaviness in his chest, because there's nothing quite as painful as walking away on thursday.

but, right now-- ]

You and me.

I...

[every week, it takes every last inch of senri's self-control to not ask taka to stay. to refrain from holding onto his hand, and convincing him to stay with him instead of go out somewhere dangerous. this week is different - if only a little. he'll be with ray, and ishikirimaru, and senri will just have to hold onto the hope that when morning comes, there'll still be a hand for him to hold onto.

just one night.

it's just one night.

senri kisses him again.]

.... me too.

[words are hard for taka, aren't they? so senri will hope that he's guessing correctly and - ]

Whatever you're feeling - I feel it too.

[ god, he never wants to let him go.

taka goes for another kiss, gentle, and he doesn't pull back when he talks again. ]

I know. Me too.

[ and then he does pull back, just so he can properly look at senri. ]

I'll only ever feel like this for you.

[ he's realized by now that what he felt for fortune was something more than friendship. he even tried to admit it in a letter, but scribbled it out in his cowardice. but-- this strong emotion that overwhelms him when he looks at senri? there's only one person for it. ]

[senri laughs at first - almost as if he's wondering if taka is just trying to make him feel better after everything with love, but. it still manages to make his heart melt into something unfathomably fond. he's pretty sure that he's gone completely stupid for this boy.

and he nods, humming his soft agreement as he holds taka's hands in his, meets his gaze evenly]

... you're endgame for me.

[he'll say it again, just as certainly as he did the first time.]

For me, it'll always be you.

[it's because senri's aware of his emotions that he knows that here, his heart's flipped traitorously for a few people - beauty, sasuke - but he knows just as well that they're impossible. that they're people who aren't meant for him. some dreams are just dreams, and some hopes aren't meant to come true.

he doesn't need a fairytale to fall for the boy in front of him.

it's just a beautiful reality he never thought that he'd get to have.]

[ he never wants this moment to end.

and it won't. because they'll have so many moments after this. and they'll fight, because he knows their personalities and they disagree on way too much to not get frustrated with each other. and he knows that he'll still feel uncertain, when he thinks about beauty or zoe or how senri always seems to attract this sort of attention towards him by just smiling and being himself

but

the fear isn't as strong as it was before. it ebbs in him, but he can walk past it without focusing too hard on it because in the end, senri is here with him. ]

Thank you.

[ canonmates who don't trust each other for shit babey ]

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