[ canonmates who don't trust each other for shit babey ]

[usogi]

time to solve some MURDERS, taka


thanks jan

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[bakaomi]

I'm not doing it on purpose.

[ there's another pause, like he's not sure if he should say something ]

She told me something else. That she thought I already knew.

[usogi]

[senri blinks, tilting his head]

What?

[bakaomi]

Your wish.

[ he's still looking away ]

[usogi]

[ . . . . . ]

Maybe I lied to Madopyon about that too.

[and he's quiet for a moment, before he lets his gaze drift to the sky where snow is falling. there's only the sound of their feet crunching in the snow, and he thinks about how he's so cold and still not prepared for this.]

... Tokyo gets cold in the winter too, you know? Just this past Christmas, I was telling our senpai about how sometimes being left alone during a time like that can make you feel like you're really far away from a beautiful and glittering world. Like you don't belong there....

I didn't have to feel that this last Christmas...

[because taka came to stay with him, with a cake santa in tow.]

.... but when I was growing up, it wasn't that easy. I just wanted someone who would take care of me when I was sick, and make me soup, and pat my head.

[ . . . ]

I.... kind of wish that I wanted something more than that.

[if only his wish was something a little bit more thoughtful, a little bit more complicated, a little less... pitiful]

[bakaomi]

[ he shifts slightly, so he's leaning more towards senri.

they touched on this slightly before, but taka brushed him off in the end. another one of his lies. his pleas for attention. his need for people to pamper him. but that need has to come from somewhere, doesn't it? ]

A family.

[ taka is aware of all the times he complained about his own. his sister, his mom. smothering and loud. ]

[usogi]

[ . . . . and senri just sighs. he doesn't mind that taka is leaning more on him, and he buries his face in his shoulder again for a second. it's one of the few things here that's familiar, even if they've been forced to get closer than they were before. when senri couldn't even imagine telling anyone back home, when he lied a thousand times over to cover it up.]

.... just one, would be nice. Just one person who....

[ - would love me unconditionally.

he can't get the words out, and he shakes his head instead of expressing what he really wants. someone who would notice him, who would take care of him even when he's being the worst, who would think well of him even if the rest of the world doesn't know anything at all.]

Don't... tell anyone. Not even back home. I don't want to make anyone feel bad, or think I'm....

It's not important.

[bakaomi]

[ it's obviously important.

if it wasn't important then senri would have never agreed to come here for that wish to be granted. but senri lies, even when he's telling the truth, and all taka can do is move a little closer to him because he's bad with words when emotions re involved. ]

I won't tell anyone.

[ he's quiet again. ]

You'll find someone.

[usogi]

[ . . . . . he laughs at that, and watches as his breath takes shape in front of him.]

... It's okay. You don't have to make yourself lie. I know that unless I win, here or at home... I probably won't.

[someone told him to open his heart to the idea of a family that can grow, ones that aren't related to him by blood, but he doesn't think he'll be able to reach that either. not with the way that he is, how he can't process difficult conversations, and how he has a habit of making things worse because he thinks of himself.]

You said it before.... People don't really care about shallow people like me.

[even here, he's lied to so many people - and just a few mistakes can do the bonds of only a week. he's not holding his breath.]

But - thanks for trying, this time.

[bakaomi]

Don't insult me, dumbass. I wouldn't lie.

[ he stops walking, and he pulls away from senri enough so that he can actually look at him properly. it's funny, that senri is calling himself shallow in the moment where taka actually thinks he's anything but. they really can't ever agree on anything, can they? ]

It might not be as soon as you want, but one of these days there's going to be someone who can actually handle how annoyingly loud you are, and how you don't clean up after yourself, and how you snore. They'll see all the bad things you are, but it won't matter against the good.

[ there's a pause, and he just starts walking again without another word. ]

[usogi]

[when taka pulls away, senri thinks about how he probably messed something up here too - though it lacks the usual panic that comes with the thought. he always messes things up with taka. that's just how it is for them, and then they end up stuck back together, and things end up smoothed over whether they like it or not.

he's not really sure how to process what he says after.

he's ready to call it flattery, because that's what senri does when he says the things that people want to hear. but given that it's taka, which means that it's truthful.... what is it? how is he supposed to react to it?

even though it's cold outside, his face feels warm - but he'll press it back into taka'a shoulder as he falls into step with him anyway.]

... Embarrassing...

[bakaomi]

Oi. Don't say that.

[ senri calling it embarrassing just makes taka embarrassed?

he didn't think of it as being emotional, since he was just stating what he thought was true; it's kind of like when he got openly mushy about touji and when he was trying to help mari. but now he has to look away, since he can... also see why it would be emotional.

goddammit. ]

[usogi]

I have to say it. I said I'd tell you the truth now.

[and that was.... embarrassing.....

but well.]

I didn't hate it though.

[and he hates a lot of what taka does]

[bakaomi]

[ he gives senri a side glance. ]

Well... now I'm not going to repeat it.

[ he probably will, if it comes down to it. ]

[usogi]

[please don't do that because his face is still red]

Mm. It's probably best if you don't.

[bakaomi]

[ oh

he quickly looks ahead. now his face is red too. this is a mess. ]

Well. I won't.

[usogi]

[this is totally a mess.

senri is quiet for a while and then

MOVING ON,]

... ummm, I'm gonna see Indulgence today with Uchiha. And then if I survive, I'll try to see Ambition.

Did you get to talk to Ruin?

[bakaomi]

Yeah. Completely crazy.

[ it's said in a tone like he's reciting the temperature. ]

[usogi]

[oh my god]

Expected, but still too vague?

[bakaomi]

You know, willing to destroy anything "useless," wants to rule the world, the sense that you could be stabbed at any moment.

That sort of thing.

[usogi]

[ . . . . oh.]

Um... sorry I made you do that for me.

[bakaomi]

[ he shrugs ]

I want to talk to all of them anyway.

[usogi]

Mm, okay.

[and senri sighs.]

Think you can be more accurate about her world...? I've heard different versions of it from different people, so I'm trying to reconcile them all....

[bakaomi]

She basically said she just wants a world where she can be all powerful in and rule over.

[usogi]

[ . . . . and senri sighs.]

She's so scary....

I'm going to try to talk to Ambition, so we'll see who ends up being scarier.

[bakaomi]

According to a bunch of gods I asked, it's probably still Ruin? Merriment said that Ambition and Indulgence wouldn't be as bad as they are if they had good influences.