A feeling like fear isn't so easily erased, and I don't think it's wrong to feel that way. After all, you're not just fearing for your own life. You care about the lives of all those who reside in this temple.
[he allows a moment of silence to settle briefly as he goes about preparing the ingredients.]
If you had caught Catra and Entrapta earlier in the week, what would you have done?
[senri watches shang carefully, and takes a second to consider his words]
.... I don't know.
I never... thought that far. I would've taken it to trial, probably. I would've mentioned it early, because I thought they needed to explain why they did what they did. Why did they hurt Ray-kun....
[that's not shang qinghua's choice to make for senri, so he skirts around the last comment.]
You wanted an explanation, not retribution. You care about the lives of everyone here, including theirs. The choice to kill wasn't yours at all. Knowing this, do you still blame yourself?
When I know that some of their motivation was because I told them how scared I was, of someone else getting hurt. They could've come to the same conclusion but...
To take the life of another is a grave sin, no matter the reason. At the same time, all I saw today was a group of friends who wanted nothing more than to protect each other. In a situation as unusual as this, how can I be mad at anyone?
[that was so long ago, he has to stop before he shakes his head.]
He went after Catra and didn't say anything. If we'd failed to catch him in his lie, he might never have told you the truth. Would this have been the better outcome?
.... in the beginning of this game, I wasn't. Or... maybe I was - but only the best parts of me. The parts that I didn't mind everyone else seeing.
[ . . . ]
I couldn't keep that up forever, and now... here are all the parts of me, including the ones that make mistakes, and that don't find the answers in time.
I don't know if... this person is any good, Shang-san. I tried to be real and I don't know if... it was worth it, sometimes.
It's okay to make mistakes. If you didn't, you wouldn't be human.
Aren't you among those who believe this contest is ultimately a demonstration of trust? In order to be a part of that, you're required to bare yourself before others. Regarding this, you haven't done anything wrong.
[youthful in both good and bad ways, yes. wrong? no.]
As long as he's putting his heart into his actions, Nito Senri is good. It's up to the rest to meet you halfway.
senri listens - but it's the last part that manages to touch him, that manages to get him to tear up a little bit again. 'nito senri is good', is that right?
he brings up his hand to try to wipe away at his eye, just in case]
[and the food is ready. it's nothing extravagant, more meant to fill the stomach than to please the palate. who has the appetite right now? shang qinghua brings the warm food over to senri.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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looks down at his hands]
... I need to shut my big mouth, Shang-san.... I need to -
Stop being so scared. People wouldn't want to protect someone who wasn't afraid.
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[he allows a moment of silence to settle briefly as he goes about preparing the ingredients.]
If you had caught Catra and Entrapta earlier in the week, what would you have done?
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.... I don't know.
I never... thought that far. I would've taken it to trial, probably. I would've mentioned it early, because I thought they needed to explain why they did what they did. Why did they hurt Ray-kun....
[he steels himself]
I can ask Entrapta now.
I don't know if I want to.
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You wanted an explanation, not retribution. You care about the lives of everyone here, including theirs. The choice to kill wasn't yours at all. Knowing this, do you still blame yourself?
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Maybe.
When I know that some of their motivation was because I told them how scared I was, of someone else getting hurt. They could've come to the same conclusion but...
... are you mad at them?
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People are mad, and they're hurt and....
I keep thinking....
What if I just... never said anything to anyone?
Wouldn't it be better - if they just continued happily, not knowing about how others hurt them?
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When he pretended like he cursed me?
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He went after Catra and didn't say anything. If we'd failed to catch him in his lie, he might never have told you the truth. Would this have been the better outcome?
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I don't know.... Would that mean that he wouldn't have to be hurt on Monday?
[ . . . ]
But - someone else would've gotten hurt in his place and then....
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[because, either way, the outcome will hurt. the world can be cruel like that.]
Your heart has always been in the right place. My advice to you is that you continue being yourself.
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[ . . . ]
I couldn't keep that up forever, and now... here are all the parts of me, including the ones that make mistakes, and that don't find the answers in time.
I don't know if... this person is any good, Shang-san. I tried to be real and I don't know if... it was worth it, sometimes.
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Aren't you among those who believe this contest is ultimately a demonstration of trust? In order to be a part of that, you're required to bare yourself before others. Regarding this, you haven't done anything wrong.
[youthful in both good and bad ways, yes. wrong? no.]
As long as he's putting his heart into his actions, Nito Senri is good. It's up to the rest to meet you halfway.
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senri listens - but it's the last part that manages to touch him, that manages to get him to tear up a little bit again. 'nito senri is good', is that right?
he brings up his hand to try to wipe away at his eye, just in case]
.... thank you.
For saying so.
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It's been a long day. First, let's eat.
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Mm, thanks, Shang-san.
We still have a busy week ahead of us.