[ this brick is still smarter than senri ]

[usogi]

Comments

[usogi]

[ . . . . hmmm.]

Well... it matters right now, right? Since you're still here.

It sounds like you have a lot on your mind... I thought you'd be happier, since Bambi's winning again and all.

[nosediving]

[He closes his mouth. Several beats pass before he opens it again.]

Nito Senri, how much does your wish mean to you?

[usogi]

[ . . . and senri offers a soft smile]

Not that much anymore, since I gave up on it.

I'm carrying Ray-kun's instead now.

[nosediving]

That—

[he nearly blurts out, why? instead, he bites his tongue.]

Such a thing is possible?

[usogi]

... well I'm trying to find out. But Cheri said that if he wins, he'll let Ray-kun's wish get granted in place of mine. I'm going to talk to the other gods... I told you, right? That depending on who wins, they can choose to grant wishes for other people even not on their team.

I'd like it if Ray-kun's was one of the wishes that got granted no matter what. That... That means the most to me. More than anything.

[and his hands ball into fists, as his voice wavers with emotion, and then he shakes his head as if to get himself to calm down again]

... why do you ask, Shang-san? I... My wish means a lot to me... but it's something that I can still hope to accomplish for myself, once I leave this place.

I'd rather do what I can to make sure other people get their wishes granted instead. As many as possible.

[nosediving]

[the more senri says, the quieter shang qinghua becomes. a question has been asked, and he doesn't answer it in favor of lifting his head to watch senri's body language.

as many as possible, huh?]

You're really selfless, you know that?

[usogi]

.... where did you get that idea?

[it's a quiet, fragile question and senri crosses his arms in front of him but might be just as much trying to hold himself together]

... some wishes are bigger than others. Some people here have very big wishes. They want to bring back the dead. They want to help the entire universe. Those... Those are amazing wishes.

And then when you have a wish as small as mine....

It's selfish that I'm still here, when Ray-kun isn't. People are protecting me, and I'm letting them. They're trying to keep me from being scared, and I'm letting them.

Me being here is selfish. Trying to help everyone out is... my attempt at even getting close to balancing that.

[nosediving]

[another lull falls between them.]

A selfish person wouldn't keep the wishes and feelings of those around them so close to heart. In pursuing this balance, haven't you proven that you're the opposite?

[in other words, recognizing that selfishness and then doing something about it makes all the difference.]

[usogi]

No, it's...

[ . . . . ]

Shang-san, you're a Peak Lord, right? That means you have a lot of people who must pay attention to you? That will just naturally pay attention to what you're doing...?

[nosediving]

[this time, he doesn't hesitate.]

My reputation as a Peak Lord isn't so lofty. I specialize in logistics; compared to my fellow sect brothers and sisters, I might as well not have a presence.

[usogi]

Eh - really? I thought...

[ . . . . ]

Sorry, for making that assumption. It's... You always sound really proud of it, and I thought that it sounded like a really cool and noble thing.

You work really hard... I thought it was the sort of thing that would definitely get more attention.

[nosediving]

Too much attention doesn't sit well with me. I'm perfectly content with the way thing are now.

[usogi]

... then -

Can I ask about your wish, Shang-san? Why you're here...? There has to be something you want, right?

[nosediving]

. . . There is.

However, my wish doesn't qualify as being very big, so it's not worth discussing.

[usogi]

[senri shakes his head]

... that's okay.

I'd still want to hear it, if you'll let me.

We're friends, right? And friends support each other. Big and small.

[nosediving]

[he stares.]

If you feel that strongly about it, I'll tell you.

[he gulps, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat.]

That is, my wish . . . is to return to my home.

[usogi]

... home...?

Where's that?

[nosediving]

Far away.

Without divine intervention, I have no hope of ever going back. Really, I should have given up on this wish a long time ago.

[usogi]

[senri pauses - and automatically shakes his head]

No way... Don't give up.

You're so close, Shang-san.

[nosediving]

[slowly, his lips stretch into a tentative smile.]

Don't worry. Despite what I said, I'm not going to give up.

As for you, is nothing going to convince you about your nature?

[usogi]

.... I don't know. We'll see when this is over. I don't know if I'll be able to rest until we find out the end results.

[ . . . ]

I know what I just said but... Are you staying with Bambi?

[nosediving]

Are you convincing me to go back to Great Piety?

[usogi]

[senri falters]

... some people can't join Bambi. I can, but like I said...

If I want... as many wishes as possible... I've tried to get them to talk to her, but if they can't be won over....

It's hard - being stuck between supporting her as a friend, but wanting success for my other friends.

[nosediving]

Your heart is in the right place. No matter what the outcome is, both sides will surely understand. In the end, we each have to make our own choice.

[usogi]

... I know.

[and he sighs quietly]

But what do you think? I won't be mad, no matter what you choose... but it sounds like you were pretty stressed before.