usogi | [ i already regret sasuke and senri ]

[ . . . . ]

I know that. I know all that - but that doesn't mean that I'll be able to be okay if something happened to you. I'd feel the same way if something happened to Ray-kun, if something happened to Taka....

I'm not like you, you know? I've lost a lot of people already - and I don't know if I could manage to keep going without any of you.

[The sigh is wry. Sasuke lifts his hand and jabs two fingers--this time--into the middle of Senri's forehead gently.]

Idiot.

If... I can come home to find my clan and my family murdered, but still keep going... You can keep going if we're taken out of a game. You don't have a choice. You have to keep fighting. Not for us, not for the gods' world. For yourself.

For the reward you want so badly. No matter how selfish. Don't give up on it just because we're not here.

Endure.

[ . . . . ugh. he knows that it's meant to be reassuring and there's the note of appreciation, though it doesn't manage to actually remove any of senri's complicated feelings]

I... There's something that I want more than anything -

But the longer that I stay here... the more that I think that I don't need a gods' blessing in order to make it happen.... maybe.

[ . . . ]

The odds of me finding my family are about one in eight billion, give or take... but they're not impossible.

I already told you that I think... my wish feels selfish, the longer that I'm here.

[Sasuke’s face softens some. This resolution... he gets. He’s had the same one, and it’s why he wanted to stay with Justice regardless until the end.]

Then keep going for everyone else. Senri...

[His brows knot gently. He glances away, and a wash of that strange familial feeling comes back. It’s almost the same, but it shifts to something a but different. This place has been hell on him. Itachi hasn’t even been here except one week. It isn’t... that. Sasuke looks back up at Senri again. He didn’t get it before. He had been the fool again, living in an illusion. Coming here... a few certain people had opened his eyes.]

Stop throwing away what you already have searching for what you think you want. [Kakashi tried to teach him that.] Your family... [He sighs.] I never thought... Naruto understood how I felt. He never had a family. How could he understand... the pain I felt about losing mine? How could he understand being alone... but...

He understood... because of that... how important it was to take care of what he did have. Us... Team 7. Me, and Sakura, and our teacher, Kakashi, and his mentor Jiraiya... all of our classmates... the village. Those had become... his family.

And he hasn’t ever given up on them.

[ . . . it's not as though sasuke's wrong. senri is fairly selfish - he'll do what he wants to promote his own agenda. that was simpler in tokyo, where all it meant was advancing his career, making more money, getting more popular, but it's different here. in a game of murder, what he selfishly wants to do is protect as many people as he can, for as long as he can.

he presses his lips into a thin line for a second, thoughtful and contemplative.

and then he eventually relaxes into a laugh, shaking his head as he looks at sasuke]

You're lecturing me on how to care about people.... You really want to keep surprising me this week, huh?

...Shut up.

[There's little to no heat in the words. There's some embarrassment caused by Senri's laugh when he knows it isn't given to him out of mocking. That's what makes it worse.]

You know what I'm trying to say. Don't make a joke out of it.

.... it's hard to accept.

[and he'll admit that quietly, shaking his head.]

You know... I was really mad last week - because Dizzy said that whoever got away with Fortune's murder was a good actor. And I'm supposed to be the best. So if there's some other two-bit second-rate understudy in the game, I wanted to find them. Ray-kun's guess turned out to be right and... I didn't believe in Newt either, and I guess that's why I'm pretty happy after everything.

[ . . . ]

I know that there are things only I can do - and I'm... actually really happy that you're trusting me with them, instead of trying to protect me again.

But just like you'd be upset if something happened to me - I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you. I think we both know that we'd need to keep going, to make sure that this world has a chance at something happier.

That doesn't mean I'm prepared to lose you, or that I ever will be.

Stop saying things like that.

[It sounds like he's scolding Senri, but really, it's not difficult to feel the cold swirl of guilt in his chest. Something a little sad, a little lonely. The expression on his face doesn't change, though.]

Newt wasn't that special of an actor. There were too many deaths and too much evidence. We couldn't see the truth. He got lucky. [NOT THAT HE'S TRYING TO CONSOLE SENRI OR ANYTHING.] The way he played the game wasn't against the rules. The gods never set this game up for us to be protected.

Not without working with each other.

Beauty told me from the start - that the more that you're known to the gods and the fellow participants, the more likely you are to be protected. I... believed him then, and I think I still believe him.

[ . . . and he frowns.]

I think I hate Newt, though.

[Sasuke frowns.]

Why? Because he killed or because he lied? Both? [The frown doesn't disappear.] It would be hypocritical of you. I've done both.

It's not the same, and if you try to convince me that the you as you currently are and that guy are anything alike, I'm going to hit you and we'll both suffer again.

[HE SAYS THIS SO CONFIDENTLY but-]

... I think intention counts for a lot. I don't think that guy was trying to help anyone, even if I don't know what he was aiming for at all. But his message when he hurt Ruin, the way that he acted once he got found out... It was cruel, and pointless.

And even if you could've ended up the same as him - you won't now, and I believe in that.

[At this, Sasuke just sighs. There's no use wasting his breath trying to argue Senri Nito on moral ethics. Reaching up, he clamps Senri's nose between two of his fingers and squeezes.]

You're so damn annoying. The day can't come quick enough when I'm rid of you.

[The words don't match the feelings radiating around inside him, and that's the most awful part about the damn curse. He releases Senri's nose and drops his arm.]

Why won't you ever hate me like you're supposed to?

[sldkjfsdf there's a slight noise of discomfort and his hand will come up to rub his nose once sasuke pulls away]

... you take care of me more than you hurt me. You help more than you make mistakes. And even when you do things that are reckless, I know it's because you're sincerely trying to protect the people you think you need to protect.

So I'm not going to hate you. I told you that weeks ago.

Nothing's changed about that, and nothing will.

Moron.

[He won't argue. Not worth it. These damn orange shitheads who won't let him mess his life up or throw it away for a greater good...]

I'm going to sleep. How about keep your nose out of anything stupid until I wake up.

Hmm? You don't want to nap together?

[but no he's backing off and finally letting go of sasuke completely]

Juuust kidding. Sleep well. I'll let you know if I find out anything else useful when you wake up.

[at which point they'll probably have their parlor party]

[ i already regret sasuke and senri ]

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