[and senri sighs softly at that, shaking his head]
... when I looked into the eyeglass, and saw Bambi's bust disappear... I thought about lying to everyone. I thought about confirming that Cheri and Merriment really were innocent, just like I was saying. I nearly did it - but the only reason I didn't was because I was... trying to be a better than when I started this game.
But for the people I care about...
I was ready to lie.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH WHAT A GOOD CONFESSION I WENT OOOOH OUT LOUD
... I did. Because I came into this game a liar, and a selfish person. I'm learning, slowly but... god, it's... It gets so hard, when you know how much easier things could be if you could just... bend the truth.
[ . . . ]
But it's why I can't blame you for staying quiet as long as you did.
Even now, I refuse to believe Sincerity or Merriment did it - I'm going as far as doubting the entire item that was given to me.
[he closes his mouth, opens it. closes it again, and smiles, wryly.]
I was hoping... for anything else. For a thread... something else to follow. Anything, everything, on the other murderer.
Or something that would show he didn't do it on purpose. That he was forced. That he didn't want to. That... that...
[his voice grows small, pathetic.]
That I was wrong. That what I was seeing... wasn't true.
[he exhales, a sad, breathy laugh.]
That's why I'm an idiot. I kept hoping. I was afraid of the truth, Senri. I didn't want to believe it, right in front of my eyes, as he got away with lie after lie...
[he's shaking again. it's stupid. he's stupid. so, so, stupid.]
I couldn't. Because... it's not just about me, you know? Nothing ever was. And I don't want to destroy who I am, and what I believe in, just to win this stupid competition, even if...
he falters, expression fearful and surprised and. it doesn't take long at all for him to rise up to his knees so he's kneeling, reaching over to pull luke into a hug, because it's the only action he can think to take]
[He nearly laughs at Senri's reaction, but it's reactionary, a bitter reply to his roller coaster of a day. Instead, he exhales slowly, nearly twitching a smile.]
I'm sorry. I know it sounds scary—but it's the truth.
[Turning, he faces Senri, looking him in the eye, his face exhausted, worn.]
The truth is... I think I'm already dead. In my own world, I mean. I... had to, or the planet would be destroyed. And I was the only one who could.
[A thought occurs to him, and the wry smile is back.]
It's... just a numbers game, right? There's millions of people on my planet, Auldrant. Losing one to keep everyone else going... it's a pretty good deal. Just like the competition. But...
[...]
But when it comes to me... I can't do that to other people. I don't want anyone else to suffer.
[his heart twists a little at the question, blinking furiously. senri's expression has barely budged - but it's as if he's frozen in place, and his brain is moving at a thousand miles a minute in order to try to find the answer that he's looking for]
... it's not impossible - for gods to grant wishes for people not on their team, at the end. If... If I can make sure yours gets granted...
Even if it's -
Even if it's one... Sometimes all it takes is one person, to mean the world to a lot of people.
I know. That's... how I felt too. There's something that I thought I wanted more than anything else - but I can't... There are too many good wishes here.
[ . . . ]
Ishirin-san... told me... that you're the last Piety, because I want to help protect you. I hope that's okay. I want you to get your wish. So... please trust me, and I'm going to try to get as many wishes granted as possible.
I'll do my best to make sure that yours and Guy-san's is one of them.
[It's only the mention of Piety that sends his eyes back open, wide, head jerking towards Senri. For a moment, his own emotional state seems to be completely cast to the side, as he stares at Senri with an expression somewhere between analytical and anxious.
And then, it's gone. It's still Senri, after all. And if Ishikirimaru trusted him, then... that was more than enough. Luke nods, acquiescing to the information—only to get sidelined by Senri's second statement.]
It depends on the wish. I'm... working on it. But, you know...
[he sighs quietly]
There are some people who don't want their wishes anymore. I... think I could go okay, without mine. That kind of thing. So I thought I'd ask for Ray-kun's instead of mine. If someone else I know wins, they could ask for your wish, instead of theirs. Because... I think some wishes are bigger than others, and they need to be on the winning team.
But... some gods will grant smaller wishes to people who aren't on their team. Favors, blessings... I don't even need that - but it'd be better than leaving this place with nothing, you know?
... you might not have to. If someone else wins, and will take Ray-kun's, then I can take yours.
This is only if you don't win yourself, of course... and I want you to. I really, really want you to. I'll let you know everything that I'm trying to plan but... I'm going to see if I can convince a lot of people to switch to Piety in the last week, so that we can get as many wishes granted as possible.
[More than his own wish, he seems... genuinely excited about the idea of people switching to Piety.]
You'd do that for us?! Piety's great, you know! He's really nice, and he really means it when he just wants to help moderate stuff! It's not a weird powergrab! He's got experience, and he's really good at it!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I just ruined the whole trial.
Are we... can I really be a friend?
no subject
[and senri sighs softly at that, shaking his head]
... when I looked into the eyeglass, and saw Bambi's bust disappear... I thought about lying to everyone. I thought about confirming that Cheri and Merriment really were innocent, just like I was saying. I nearly did it - but the only reason I didn't was because I was... trying to be a better than when I started this game.
But for the people I care about...
I was ready to lie.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH WHAT A GOOD CONFESSION I WENT OOOOH OUT LOUD
...You would...?
[...]
But you didn't. You said what you saw. You told the truth.
SDKLFJSLKDFJSDF LMAAOOOO NIJI
... I did. Because I came into this game a liar, and a selfish person. I'm learning, slowly but... god, it's... It gets so hard, when you know how much easier things could be if you could just... bend the truth.
[ . . . ]
But it's why I can't blame you for staying quiet as long as you did.
Even now, I refuse to believe Sincerity or Merriment did it - I'm going as far as doubting the entire item that was given to me.
no subject
[he closes his mouth, opens it. closes it again, and smiles, wryly.]
I was hoping... for anything else. For a thread... something else to follow. Anything, everything, on the other murderer.
Or something that would show he didn't do it on purpose. That he was forced. That he didn't want to. That... that...
[his voice grows small, pathetic.]
That I was wrong. That what I was seeing... wasn't true.
[he exhales, a sad, breathy laugh.]
That's why I'm an idiot. I kept hoping. I was afraid of the truth, Senri. I didn't want to believe it, right in front of my eyes, as he got away with lie after lie...
[he's shaking again. it's stupid. he's stupid. so, so, stupid.]
I couldn't. Because... it's not just about me, you know? Nothing ever was. And I don't want to destroy who I am, and what I believe in, just to win this stupid competition, even if...
[...]
Even if it means dying for good.
no subject
until it slams into the end - and he doesn't.
he falters, expression fearful and surprised and. it doesn't take long at all for him to rise up to his knees so he's kneeling, reaching over to pull luke into a hug, because it's the only action he can think to take]
.... please don't say... such scary things....
That's not - you won't...
I won't... let that....
no subject
I'm sorry. I know it sounds scary—but it's the truth.
[Turning, he faces Senri, looking him in the eye, his face exhausted, worn.]
The truth is... I think I'm already dead. In my own world, I mean. I... had to, or the planet would be destroyed. And I was the only one who could.
[A thought occurs to him, and the wry smile is back.]
It's... just a numbers game, right? There's millions of people on my planet, Auldrant. Losing one to keep everyone else going... it's a pretty good deal. Just like the competition. But...
[...]
But when it comes to me... I can't do that to other people. I don't want anyone else to suffer.
no subject
What's...
What's your wish, Luke-kun?
[his heart twists a little at the question, blinking furiously. senri's expression has barely budged - but it's as if he's frozen in place, and his brain is moving at a thousand miles a minute in order to try to find the answer that he's looking for]
... it's not impossible - for gods to grant wishes for people not on their team, at the end. If... If I can make sure yours gets granted...
Even if it's -
Even if it's one... Sometimes all it takes is one person, to mean the world to a lot of people.
no subject
[He closes his eyes, lashes fluttering, unfocusing in the comfortable darkness. The expression that plays across it is an aching sadness.]
...It's the same as Guy's. The same stupid wish he killed two people for.
I want to live.
I want to keep my promise to my friends, and come back home alive.
[...]
But I won't destroy my beliefs for it—and I won't... I don't want to take other people's shot at a wish away.
no subject
I know. That's... how I felt too. There's something that I thought I wanted more than anything else - but I can't... There are too many good wishes here.
[ . . . ]
Ishirin-san... told me... that you're the last Piety, because I want to help protect you. I hope that's okay. I want you to get your wish. So... please trust me, and I'm going to try to get as many wishes granted as possible.
I'll do my best to make sure that yours and Guy-san's is one of them.
It shouldn't be a bad thing - to want to live.
no subject
And then, it's gone. It's still Senri, after all. And if Ishikirimaru trusted him, then... that was more than enough. Luke nods, acquiescing to the information—only to get sidelined by Senri's second statement.]
Grant as many wishes as possible...?
[...What?]
What does that... is that even possible?
no subject
It depends on the wish. I'm... working on it. But, you know...
[he sighs quietly]
There are some people who don't want their wishes anymore. I... think I could go okay, without mine. That kind of thing. So I thought I'd ask for Ray-kun's instead of mine. If someone else I know wins, they could ask for your wish, instead of theirs. Because... I think some wishes are bigger than others, and they need to be on the winning team.
But... some gods will grant smaller wishes to people who aren't on their team. Favors, blessings... I don't even need that - but it'd be better than leaving this place with nothing, you know?
no subject
...I don't think I could ever ask someone to do that for me.
no subject
... you might not have to. If someone else wins, and will take Ray-kun's, then I can take yours.
This is only if you don't win yourself, of course... and I want you to. I really, really want you to. I'll let you know everything that I'm trying to plan but... I'm going to see if I can convince a lot of people to switch to Piety in the last week, so that we can get as many wishes granted as possible.
no subject
[More than his own wish, he seems... genuinely excited about the idea of people switching to Piety.]
You'd do that for us?! Piety's great, you know! He's really nice, and he really means it when he just wants to help moderate stuff! It's not a weird powergrab! He's got experience, and he's really good at it!
[There's a beat, and he adds on:]
...Th-That's what I heard, at least.