usogi | [ canonmates who don't trust each other for shit babey ]

[senri huffs a little bit at that, even as he hums softly and holds taka close. he still turns his head to try to kiss taka's ear]

... she cares about you.

[ . . . . ]

I'm not... dumb... when it comes to people, or relationships. She's the one who - [don't be jealous, don't be jealous] - said you're special, right?

She's right. And I think she's really nice... so she wouldn't leave such a special person hanging if she had a choice. I know it.

[he'll lift a hand up to run through taka's hair anyway - he wouldn't have asked, if he knew that taka didn't get letters back but.... well, it sort of answers a question on timing, anyway.]

[ okay the ear thing tickles, and he fidgets at the sensation

he doesn't answer right away; there's a heavy feeling in his chest that doesn't normally hit him when he's with senri.

i'll catch you.
then, i won't be scared of falling at all.

takaomi presses a kiss to senri's neck. ]

[senri squirms a little and.

pauses, because he can't help but feel like there's something that taka isn't telling him.

he settles for inhaling quietly, and burying his face in taka's hair]

.... sorry, if I brought up something bad.

[something he shouldn't have tried to touch]

[ he pauses

and then just moves them to kiss senri properly, a little insistent. ]

[hm

senri will take the kiss, and lean into it - though when he pulls back he just manages to look confused

and still a bit guilty]

... use your words, please...?

[ he presses another kiss to his forehead ]

It's just something I have to figure out. Don't worry about it.

[ . . . . and senri just sighs, not quite placated]

I'm worrying about it....

I - don't like when you keep things from me...

[ he's quiet again after that, not quite sure what to say in response.

it's gotten rather easy to express affection to senri, to shower him in kisses and promise him the world and the future, and mean every single word of it. but this is the part that's hard, that he has to open up a little wider than what he's already managed to accept. ]

Sometimes... when I look at you, I think about how you're the one keeping me here.

[ it doesn't make any sense, and takaomi isn't sure if senri is going to understand what he's saying, but it takes a moment to get all the words out. ]

[senri is quiet, and he's impatient but - if taka isn't pulling away, or walking away, then senri won't either. he'll settle like that for a little while, just keeping taka close even as he watches his expression and.

there's a furrow in senri's brow as he tilts his head]

I'm....?

[it's another moment of uncertainty - where senri thinks that merriment would be able to figure out what taka is saying easily, without having to hesitate or falter. it's what the real soulmate would know how to do and he... pauses when he can't puzzle it out.]

... what do you mean, Taka?

[is that even a good or a bad thing?]

[ he frowns, but he also didn't really expect senri to get what he's saying because he isn't

saying it properly.

he'll try again, from a different angle. ]

If I close my eyes long enough, I can... see them. [ he keep "them" vague. ] And it makes everything feel so impossible. But when I open them, you're there.

[ ... ]

[ . . . . oh.

senri pauses at that, and he'll immediately lean in to press a kiss to taka's forehead in return.]

.... I'm always going to be right here.

[he promises that first, because he can't imagine anywhere else that he'd go]

... you're still holding onto a lot, aren't you...

So is everyone else.

[ it feels silly to talk about it because of that. people have come from places so much worse, and he's sitting here being upset over...

he sighs. ]

We need to keep moving forward.

[ . . . mm.

it's a little funny, to hear what senri thinks, coming from taka. everyone else dealt wish so much worse. they lose time if they stay upset for too long. it's not like they have a chance of reconciling all their trauma here.

he still reaches up to run his fingers through taka's hair]

.... it's just me here.

If you need... to be upset - I mean... I cried on you for like an hour after trial.

You always carry me when I'm not doing well. If it's just the two of us... you can crack just a little. I won't tell anyone.

[ that's the thing about coming here from an already terrible situation, it's that at least your heart is a little prepared for what happens here, even if it still hurts.

and taka may be used to solving mysteries, but he's not normally actually part of the narrative. back home, he can just fit the pieces together to solve a case without being personally involved in any of it.

he can't do that here. ]

That's not... really my aesthetic.

[ he's just mimicking what senri had said earlier during the day. ]

.... okay.

[senri will still let go - but only to reach for taka's hands, and to bring them up to his lips so he can kiss the back of both of them.]

But... it's not your fault. Things that people have done here - it's not your fault. You've always made up for everything you've missed twice over.

[ . . . ]

I'm just... scared - if you try to take everything on yourself.

I'm right here. I'm always going to be right here. So... please lean on me too, if it ever gets too heavy.

If it's for you, I'd do anything.

[ it's different for senri, he thinks at first, because senri is the openly emotional one and taka knew what he was signing up for when he confessed weeks ago

he doesn't say that though, and instead just wraps his arms around him. ]

As long as I have you... it's okay.

[ and he means it, without a doubt, but he still sounds lost ]

[senri leans in with the touch, because of course he does. his own arms go around taka as he leans in to press their foreheads together, keeping them close as he tries to think of what to say]

... of course. You'll always have me. Forever and ever - [he leans in for a soft kiss, lingering] - and ever.

[he considers not saying more than that.

he considers not pushing taka any further, to let him be comfortable. that's what senri would do with a lot of people - play it safe.

.... but he hears it in taka's voice, the way that something doesn't seem settled and he has to say, a little more softly]

... It's okay if you need more than that too. It's okay, if you need Merriment, or Ishirin-san, to help you where I'm not... as good. Or where I don't understand as much, because I haven't been there with you.

[ . . . ]

I want it to be better than 'okay', Taka.

[ he shakes his head slowly.

it's a little difficult, with them, because any time takaomi tries to express a negative feeling about what happens during curfew he gets cut off. it's not that they disregard his feelings, because they don't, but both of them don't want him to dwell on it and try to shift the focus elsewhere.

and he understands that. and he's usually good at it, because there are so many things going on that always needs you to pay attention. it just doesn't do much when everything is quiet and he's alone with only his thoughts. ]

They just worry.

... that's part of the weight of knowing people, right. That they'll worry about you, because they care about you.

[ . . . and senri will kiss taka's cheek, because - ] I worry too. But... I trust you. I know they trust you.

[ . . . ]

Please don't keep it all to yourself...

[ one of his hands move so he can cup senri's face, his thumb idly brushing against his cheek. ]

I don't want to worry you. You have so much going on.

[ the last thing taka wants is to dump his issues on top of what senri already has. ]

[senri will lean into the touch and let his expression soften]

... I do. But no one else knows that, because you let me cry on you, and you let me lean on you when I don't know what to do. The only reason why I can keep going is because I have you, to take care of me when I'm scared.

[his hand comes over taka's, and senri turns his head briefly to press a kiss to taka's palm]

You have just as much going on as I do. You're talking to a bunch of gods - and they're all so fond of you, and I know how hard that can be for you. You're the one who goes out on Thursdays....

I want to know - what you're thinking. How you feel. About all of it.

[ he gets reminded a lot of how different things might be if senri wasn't here. he wouldn't have branched out as much as he has. he doubts he would have spoken to ray or sasuke, or that he would have trusted ishikirimaru enough to reveal to him. if senri wasn't here, or if they never became friends, or even if he was just slightly too slow...

he wouldn't be here. he knows he wouldn't still be here, because there would have been no way he'd survive on his own and he would have been on his own if it weren't for senri. ]

I think that I owe you a lot more than you know.

... does it have to be about owing me?

[he pouts a little bit]

I'm not keeping score. I just want to take care of you, like you take care of me.

[ there's a pause, and he leans in to kiss him ]

No, I just... don't thank you as much as I should.

[ . . . senri just sighs at that, and shakes his head as he leans in for a second kiss, pulling taka closer to him]

You don't need to thank me for that, dummy. Just.... stay with me, just like this.

It's all I could ever want.

... even though I know that's asking for a lot, too.

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