usogi | [ canonmates who don't trust each other for shit babey ]

[senri leans into the touch, but his eye grows a little wide. he leans in to press his lips to taka's, as if a kiss will be enough to mend the divide between them]

How can I show you?

How can I remind you I love you and only you?

[ oh

he isn't sure what does it. if it's the desperation in the kiss or his expression, or if it's the words, or even if it's just the stress from weeks of being here. but it's like-- something snaps, finally, and taka starts to cry.

he ignores that though, and instead just pulls senri into another kiss. ]

[ah.

something in senri's heart breaks a little bit when he sees taka cry, but he'll go with the kiss anyway. he thinks he'd probably go with anything that taka could possibly want, if it'll make him feel a little bit better. he presses their lips together once, twice, before he pulls away to kiss taka's cheeks as if that'll help to kiss away the tears]

Taka...

I'm right here - I'm not going anywhere.

[ after the kisses, taka pulls away slightly so he can try to wipe at his face. he knows that senri doesn't react too well when other people cry around him, that he gets upset too, so it'll be better if he stopped. ]

I know. I know, it's stupid.

[senri reaches up to gently hold onto taka's wrist, giving him another kiss before he can wipe at his face anymore, and his expression grows softer.]

... it's not stupid.

Whatever you're feeling, it's not stupid.

You can talk to me about it... if you want to.

Sometimes it's just hard to imagine why you'd pick me.

[ it's said quietly. ]

[senri doesn't hesitate to give taka another kiss, soft and gentle]

... when nothing else is going right, I think of you.

Because you're steady, when I'm not. Because you're brave, when I'm not. Because you're - so much kinder than I am, at the heart of things.

I don't need you to be anyone or anything else besides... you. [his hand comes up to taka's hair, running his fingers through his locks] You match me in a way that no one else can even try to.

[ it's hard, to fight the thought that senri could do so much better when there have been so many people who want him. it's daunting. taka never really thought that he'd fall in love, and he definitely didn't think that it'd be like... this

but senri's voice is so soothing. ]

... thank you for wanting to spend your life with me.

... thank you for thinking that I'm worth it.

[and he'll move to cup taka's cheek with one hand, thumb brushing away any tear tracks on his own, even as senri goes to kiss the other side of his face gently]

I'm sorry... that you ever had room to doubt how much you mean to me.

I'm so happy I chose you.

I never thought I could ever love someone like I love you, my rabbit.

[ he can get so embarrassingly mushy when it comes to senri, but it also feels like it's something he needs to hear. that they both need to. ]

I'm just... sorry that it wasn't as easy as it should be.

[ a lot of feelings were hurt for them to make it here. I

[it's not like senri will ever be upset about hearing how much he means to someone - he's incredibly needy at the end of the day, built up after years and years of not mattering enough to anyone. hearing that taka loves him so much makes him melt so completely.]

... I love you, my brave lion.

[but.

taka does... have a point.]

... I don't know... Maybe it was my fault - but I... [sighs] Ever since we started dating, I tried to be on good behavior... I didn't want to lead anyone on, even if they didn't know we were together...

I must've failed that somewhere - I don't think I was paying attention either.

I guess I just didn't think it was possible for anyone else to want me. I'm... kind of troublesome... You know that better than anyone else.

Well... I can easily see why someone else would.

[ the tears have stopped, at least, even though his face is still wet and red and he probably looks more hideous than usual. ]

You're so special, Senri. So I'm not surprised that I wasn't the only one who saw that.

[stop it taka's cute even when he's crying, be nice. or at least - that's what senri thinks as he will continue to gently wipe away taka's tear tracks with his thumb and give him gentle kisses on his face.]

.... I make a lot of mistakes, and... I'm still really selfish at the end of the day. I still tell lies to people who aren't you, and...

[ . . . ]

I... It's something I've never had before - to have so many people care about me.

But I never wanted it to be a burden on you. I never want you to think that there'll be anything that could pull me from your side.

[ he clings a little more tightly to senri, like he's worried to let go even for a second. ]

I know you're probably upset about it though. That you're blaming yourself for...

[ not being able to go with them instead. ]

[senri goes with the cling, pressing himself against taka even as he sighs quietly]

... I like to make people happy. More than anything else, I want them to be happy, so when they think of me, it's... not with resentment. And if it's someone I'm friends with, that feeling only grows stronger.

But... I'm selfish. I want to be with the person that I love. I don't want to lose on the chance for us to have an apartment together out of school, for our two dogs and a cat, for us to be together for a long time - and I can meet your family, and we can get married, and I'll have forever with you.

That's what I want, more than anything.

[ . . . ]

He wasn't himself. I don't want you to be mad at him, because... you know it's only because he's lonely, and he doesn't want anyone to leave.

... but when he was corrupted, Tamaki tried to turn me to stone, so I could always be with him. He apologized already, and it's not his fault.

He's... important to me, and I don't want to leave him when he's sad. It's the same reason why I want Sasuke to come with us. I want them to have their own home, like what I've always wanted.

But... I want to be with you, more than any of that.

[ this was all a lot of information to take in at once. he listens to senri quietly, and he goes through an odd mix of emotions

it's the first time senri has said the word marriage flat out. and... they've both been talking around it, like how they danced around actually saying the word love when they both kind of knew that was what they meant. but promising to be together is... still a lot, but there's something about being married that makes it feel even more... official? grounded?

but then he keeps talking, and he actually explains what happened and why senri almost being turned into stone has to do with taka's relationship with tamaki, but. now he gets it. ]

There's a chance that we can still see the gods after this, Senri. They said it's possible if they have enough power for it.

... I'd like that.

Because... Cheri means a lot to me, too. Bambi, of course. Rise-chan, Seanbon, Jack...

[ . . . ]

If I don't have to say goodbye to Tamaki, I don't want to. I'm... trying to prepare myself for it, just in case, even though I know you have your wish... but I also think... some distance between us would be good, even if it's just for a little while.

I think... I keep hurting him, because he... cares about me.

In a way that I can't care about him back.

[ he almost, almost, starts crying again. his eyes water, but he quickly blinks them away out of stubbornness because he refuses to cry twice here.

it's so stupid, and mean, to be happy about something that is making another person suffer. it's an ugly feeling and taka pushes it down, although he wishes it would be as easy as stopping the tears. ]

It's okay to want to take a break. I know you want to take care of others, but... you need to take care of yourself, too. And sometimes, even when it doesn't seem like it, it's also helping the other person as well.

[ . . . and senri just laughs quietly at that, even if it's not entirely a happy noise. he leans forward to press his lips to taka's forehead, soft and sweet, and then he pulls back even as he cups his cheek again]

... yeah...

It's... I went to Cheri, after... it all started happening. And Cheri said that it's - more important to try and enjoy all of our time together, for as long as we could, because we wouldn't get to be here forever. I agreed with him, so I went back to see Tamaki again shortly after.

... he takes good care of me, too. Even if we just talk, or he helps me find answers. I... don't know if the crush I struggled with ever really managed to go away.

But... it doesn't hold a candle to what I feel for you. I'm sorry, if it's scary to know that I'm still fond of him - but I love you.

And only you.

I'm so happy with you, just like this... It's all I want.

After all this... I know without a doubt you'll be the only one I ever see.

[ he listens quietly, his hold on senri tightening

he loves him. it's surreal how much he does. ]

You said you want to get married?

[oh.

senri blinks at that, looking just a little embarrassed.]

... I know we're still figuring all this out, and a lot of it comes from the stress and everything...

But -

Eventually... I'd like to make 'forever' into something real.

If... that's okay.

... it's okay.

[ he leans in to press his lips against senri's, and then he kisses him again after a moment's pause. ]

It's okay. It'll... be nice, after we figure things out. We're already going to spend forever together, right?

[ there's another pause as he goes to reach for senri's hand. ]

... I can't say that the Tamaki thing doesn't bother me. But-- I trust what you're saying. I trust you more than anything.

[even though he's been comfortable in this, even though he's known for a while now that they'd have forever together, senri's heart feels like it's beating too fast in his chest. it batters against his ribcage almost painfully, but it's full of only love and affection.

he reaches for taka's hand, and interlaces their fingers]

... I'm sorry that it bothers you - and I can't blame you... No matter what you said to me, when you came back with Sheba-chan yesterday, I only wanted you next to me. I can't imagine what it's been like for you... You're really a lot better than I am.

[and he'll lean in to press their lips together just once more]

... I'd never do anything to hurt you. I promise.

I know.

[ he knows that they'll argue, and the thing with these two is that when they fight, they tend to get vicious-- it's a trait they unfortunately share. the fact that they only really managed to have only one after they started dating is surprising, really.

but he knows they'd do their best to be kind, and if they slip, they'll help each other back up again. ]

We'll figure it out. And I think... with time... the other feelings will just become a memory.

[ time and distance and the overwhelming feeling of know that no matter what, no one will compare to the person right next to him. ]

[ . . . . soft. the feelings that senri has in this moment are only soft. as long as taka knows that even though senri is a mess, and a disaster, that he'll never hurt him - that he'll go out of his way to keep from hurting him or betraying that trust, that's the most important thing. he settles and presses another kiss to taka's lips]

... yeah, I think so too.

They'll find happiness too - with people that aren't us.

I believe in that.

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