usogi | [ canonmates who don't trust each other for shit babey ]

[he kind of wants to cry again.

he reaches up with a hand - careful and slow - to cup taka's cheek. he's slowly learning to reconcile the distance and depth perception with his new injury, but he sighs a little breath in relief when he makes contact. his thumb traces the shape of taka's face, brushes the corner of his lips

he maps out the curves until he can lift himself up enough to press a kiss to taka's mouth. he didn't want to risk missing.]

[ he kisses back, as softly as he can, and he really wishes that fixing everything that's happened could be as simple as this.

it's not, but if it helps to patch up some of the holes then at least it's something. ]

... we can talk about it if you want. But you don't have to.

[ what happened is still very fresh, and a lot to process, so takaomi wouldn't be surprised if senri doesn't want to touch it yet. ]

[ . . . . it'd be so easy to run, to pretend like nothing's wrong. and for most people, that's what they're going to get. thursday is going to be full of senri wandering around the temple, just trying to avoid bumping into things, but otherwise himself - if only a little muted.

but this is for taka.

and he breathes in as he closes his eye.]

.... he feels so guilty. He's so angry...

I don't - I don't think he realizes that if it wasn't for him, something a lot worse could've happened to me.

You would have gone in without him, right...?

[ like. taka knows senri well enough and how fucking stubborn he is, and while he didn't realize majima was missing before going into the forest, he is definitely aware of it now. it doesn't take a genius to figure out senri's motivations for going inside. ]

I'm glad he was there.

[if it was just about the monsters, senri would've been smart enough to stay outside. it's not like he's the type of person who looks for trouble, even though it finds him fairly regularly here. there are people that he didn't want to worry, even though he was just as frustrated about not being helpful.

but tell him that the family he's found for himself here was being torn apart, and all sense disappeared.

he still tries to hide his face against taka's shoulder when he nods]

.... he got hurt because of me.....

You need to apologize.

[ he runs a hand through senri's hair, his fingers curling into it. ]

You can't change what happened, but... it's what people do when they care about you, isn't it? So all you can do is move forward and try to make sure that the two of you are okay.

[senri leans into the touch minutely, but he nods]

.... he's going to avoid me - but I'm going to. I have to.

[he breathes out a sigh]

I have to say thank you to Ray-kun too.... Ah, they're still going to have to deal with me tomorrow before curfew too.

I'm pretty sure they're going to want to be with you during curfew more than ever now.

[ ... like, taka does too, but he'd feel too guilty ditching ishi at the last minute. ]

[ . . . and he sighs]

I'm just more weight on their shoulders like this...

[but he also doesn't know how to make it better - not immediately. he closes his eyes and lets his weight rest on taka as he tries to keep from asking taka to stay with him. there's something that he needs to do, and that can't change just because senri was an idiot - again.]

... maybe we should learn something from Hanabusa-senpai and start wearing protective vests by default...

I think he still almost dies more than we do...

[ and they're in an actual murdergame

but he just plays with senri's hair as he talks. ]

Senri, isn't that... what relationships are? Weight on your shoulders. It's just that... usually, for people, the weight is light enough that you don't notice it, so it's only when things like this happens that you really notice it's there.

[ . . . he's quiet as he thinks about that.]

Is that how you see it?

[because surprising no one at all, senri doesn't see it the same way. relationships are his lifelines, the only way that he can feel connected to the world around him. they've never felt heavy, not when they've been the only things that have ever kept him afloat]

... yeah.

[ he's only really admitted this to merriment while here. it's been touched upon, lightly, with other gods, but taka didn't really plan on getting too into it with anyone else.

but then again, he's dating senri now. so. ]

I kind of... went out of my way to not become friends with anyone here, even though people [ gods ] kept telling me to try. I stopped talking to Madoka as much after you told me she told Ray my alignment.

[ because he felt betrayed, which was stupid in a game like this, but it still hit his insecurities enough that it made him step back. ]

[ . . . ah.

senri pauses at that - and can't help but feel guilty. should he have lied to taka? should he have kept it a secret, when he knew that madoka wouldn't have told ray if she didn't think him trustworthy? and yet... the defensive part of him thinks that taka's alignment is one that he wants to guard more closely than anyone else.

he pulls taka closer to him again to give him a kiss]

.... sorry - I didn't think that you'd.... For what it's worth, she hasn't told me...

[ . . . ]

If it's heavy - we can carry it together. But I... I hope you can still find a way to trust people.

[ it's gotten a little easier, admittedly. the only reason he told ishi about his power is because senri urged him to, but taka told ray about it all on his own. would he have done that if he hadn't already known his alignment? probably not, but the point still stands.

he doesn't say any of that though, and instead just moves his hand down so he can give senri a proper hug. like, a very careful hug. ]

... we'll work on that.

[ . . . mm. senri will lean into the hold, if only because he wants the hug. and then he's just going to press his face against taka, careful so that he doesn't manage to do anything to his still healing eye.]

... okay. We have time.

It'll be okay. [ . . . ] I've never felt my ties with people to be heavy but I think it's because.... for a long time I didn't have anyone who would care if something happened to me anyway.

[not in a way that mattered. people sending sympathy flowers and people who would actually sit by his bedside are entirely different entities]

You know... there are people back home who would. Yuma and Touji, definitely, and others in the special class.

[ chizuru would not give a fuck but taka is pretending he does not exist for this moment. ]

... people love you.

[ . . . the thing is that senri is slowly getting that. he's slowly understanding that - because yuma and touji do defend him to taka sometimes, and they'll go out of their way to make it clear when he's not being awful. and taka goes along with the things that he does too.

if he just opened his eyes a little, and maybe his heart - and stopped chasing after just one thing....

he sighs and continues to rest against taka]

.... right now, you're all I need.

[in this moment, as long as he has taka, he's alright]

[ he kisses senri on the cheek (specifically the side with his good eye).

things aren't fine, but eventually they will be even if it takes time and a couple of false starts. but he has senri, who's alive and talking and everything that matters in the world. ]

Good. I'm not sharing you.

[ he has decided that if anyone tries to visit he is. going to ignore them. ]

[taka is such a bitch but senri doesn't even mind. he melts a little at taka's words and settles against him. things still aren't completely alright... he's still in pain and he still has to think about finding sasuke and making things better with everyone else but -

for right now he can rely on taka to still take care of him, and hold onto him even when he makes such horrifying mistakes. there's still someone here who will look after him.]

I'd get mad if you let me go without a fight....

Hm... at first I thought I'd be nice and let someone borrow you if they weren't somehow who annoyed me.

[ that's a very small list.

but he nuzzles his face against senri's. ]

But now I've decided they can wait til later.

[ the only people who would allow in is ray and sasuke still, and ray would probably prefer to let senri rest and they all know that they're going to have to hunt sasuke down. ]

[that's entirely correct and senri is okay with it. he relaxes at that and leans in just to give taka another kiss because he's dumb and gay and tired so he deserves whatever affection he can get his hands on, thanks!]

... okay.

Then until tomorrow, it can just be the two of us.

[because they're not going to be together on thursday night so]

Mmhm.

[ it's fine, taka will kiss him as many times as he wants because even though he complains about senri being too spoiled. in the end, he's the one who does most of the spoiling. ]

So hopefully you won't get sick of me by then.

[taka really does do most of the spoiling and it's bad.

senri will take it though, and he'll melt into the affection. at least for now, it's easier to put away his guilt as long as this person who cares for him so much is right in front of him.]

I've lasted this long... you know?

... yeah. You did.

[ he lasted a lot longer than taka thought someone would be able to put up with him. ]

[and senri will just sigh at that, giving taka another kiss at that.]

... Saturday's going to be busy, I think. Did Ray tell you what he's going to try to do with Luna...?

[please talk plot because you can't make out this week]

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