usogi | [ canonmates who don't trust each other for shit babey ]

[senri stormed out and never came back!

for the evening.

but it's probably still early enough in the morning that it's dark out that he'll try to sneak back into their room at the inn. he's softly murmuring]

Not a murderer, not a murderer....

[because that's a very real fear

and then he's going to lift up the blanket and crawl into taka's futon if he's there, thanks]

[ yeah, taka's asleep. and normally he's fairly used to senri coming and going from bed, but he's been on edge all night, constantly waking up and getting annoyed when he got reminded of what happened every time he saw senri wasn't there.

so, when senri is crawling in, he jolts away. when he sees who it is, it takes him a moment to calm down except

now what ]

[oh

senri winces a little bit when taka jolts away - but he assumes that's just the surprise talking? it's okay. it's probably dark enough that taka can't see.

.... he's going to place his head on the pillow and try to remember how to speak in difficult situations. he'd gotten so much better at it here - and it's with taka, so it should be easy.

except he enver

quite figured out what he was going to say.]

.... we can talk about it more when we're more awake, but....

You can lie to me, if you want to. I won't get mad anymore.

[ he doesn't lay back down, and turns slightly so he's looking in front of him instead of senri

he has no idea what time it is except that it's dark outside the window. ]

... no. I shouldn't have.

[ . . . . and senri just presses his face more into the pillow as he laughs, even if it's not really a happy sound.]

I told Sasuke the wrong number... I thought I hadn't lied to you all competition - but then I remembered the face masks.

[and the empty fucking bowl,,]

... so instead we just get to be even on how many lies we've told each other now.

[he sighs and doesn't seem to be convinced by taka's words]

I don't care if you add more to it. It's a lying game. I shouldn't expect otherwise.

I shouldn't have.

[ he just repeats it, lowly, and he still doesn't move to lay down or get up, but he does rub at his face. ]

[senri pauses

and is quiet for a little while]

.... it's okay. I'm not mad anymore.

You don't have to.... I know Ray-kun asked you to, and you needed your bullets, so....

[lying isn't necessarily a bad thing right.]

[ he shakes his head, but it's so slight that it might be hard to see the movement in the dark. ]

I thought I was getting better at...

[ at what? takaomi doesn't elaborate, but does finally lay back down in the futon

he's still not facing senri but. ]

[but.

senri stares at him quietly and just barely manages to prod - ]

... at....?

[ he just shakes his head again. ]

You can be mad.

[ taka was never really that mad in the first place. when senri hit him and immediately after he left? yeah, furious.

but as the seconds ticked away and senri didn't immediately come back? he was mostly just upset for a different reason. ]

... I was mad.

And then Ray-kun told me that I shouldn't expect you to be the only person in the world to always be truthful with me, because you're human. He's right.

And I stayed with Sasuke tonight, and he taught me how to punch because I was so angry at you.

[ . . . ]

But everyone lies to me eventually. You never made the promise to get better at telling the truth, so it's not like I should've expected that.

You were upholding your part of the deal with Ray-kun, and keeping his trust. I can't be mad at that, even if it means...

[that senri's got broken instead]

.... I still lie to everyone else. [not taka, and not ray, but,] I can't be mad.

[ senri's words just sting.

he doesn't deserve to point that out though, and instead just stares at the wall. but it stings because he thought he was getting better at this, at opening up, but he just went straight back to the opposite direction.

he wonders if senri would have broken up with him for this, if the fight had gone further. ]

I woudn't blame you if you were.

It doesn't seem right for a liar to complain about being lied to.

[it's hypocritical and he knows it.

. . . ]

You were doing what you thought was best...

[even if it hurt to be on the receiving end - but senri has to recognize that he can't expect taka to be perfect when senri himself is far from it]

It wasn't the best though, was it?

[ and he finally turns. he's not facing senri fully though, but is at least angled towards him now. ]

It really is easy for things like this to break... bonds are so fragile.

.... do you think we're broken?

[though he almost sounds afraid to ask]

I thought... we were supposed to be....

[the one thing that senri wouldn't manage to lose somehow]

[ he actually turns more fully at that, his expression softening at senri's words even

if he still can't probably see that. ]

... no, we're fine. The problem is with me. Not us.

[senri sighs.

there's a painfully obvious sigh of relief, and he's immediately reaching to find taka's hand, holding onto it just a little too tightly]

.... It's okay, to be a little selfish and think you should lie to me to get something you want.

[ . . . ]

I was really mad that you didn't say sorry....

I got mad that you hit me.

[ that. immediately activated his fight response, because taka is a temperamental moron who gets annoyed too easily. ]

Sorry.

[ . . . . senri thinks about pulling his hand back, but is ultimately still feeling too needy to actually do it.]

.... I think I forgive you.

I hit you because I was mad. I stormed out because you didn't seem sorry. I stayed out because - you didn't care that I was leaving.

You don't have to forgive me.

[ there's still that ache there, that reminds him he doesn't actually know what he's doing here and that he's always on the edge of making things worse somehow.

it'll be better if he could easily bridge that gap between himself and others. it had been working, he thought, but then he shook the foundation by lying. he was right. ]

I didn't really do anything to deserve it.

[senri pauses - and then quietly shakes his head. he moves closer to taka again, and presses his face into taka's shoulder instead of just the pillow]

... You take care of me.

It's a little hard right now - but I still believe in you. You don't have to do anything specific, or be anyone else.

[ he considers wrapping his arms around senri, but decides against it. ]

... were you going to punch me?

[ since he went to sasuke. ]

If I was still mad... but I'm not anymore.

[it whittled down into being sad and - ]

... I came back because I missed you already.

[ oh

he takes a deep breath, and then slowly lets it out ]

You have bad taste,

[ . . . senri just sighs.]

Please say something nice to me or I will punch you.

[he's fine with being a little more vulnerable in front of taka but it's

getting harder when it feels like his attempts to talk are being shot down]

week 5, so fucking early tuesday

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