usogi | [ canonmates who don't trust each other for shit babey ]

.... I'm the worst, right? Even just hearing that, even though you're mean about it, makes me feel better. Because... I still get to have you.

[and he'll let taka hold onto his hands, before dropping them again because he would rather press his face into taka's shoulder]

.... I'm so stupid.

I didn't mean to hurt him - or cause trouble for you.

You can't control how other people feel.

[ he wraps his arms around senri for a hug, leaning in close against him ]

... and the only way he wouldn't feel bad in this situation is if he got to have you, you know. So I'm going to be selfish and say that I'm glad that didn't happen, even if it makes me an asshole.

... you're not an asshole. You're the one I want to be with.

[ . . . and he presses his face more into the crook of taka's neck at that - admittedly the side that he didn't bite a million hickeys into so he doesn't have to deal with concealer rubbing off but. he wraps his arms around taka and just clings on quietly]

... it won't be weird for you?

If he decides to come back with us? He's your friend, too, but.... I know the extra layer of feelings might... make it a little difficult.

... I've suspected that he liked you for a while. I confronted him about it yesterday, which... was stupid, if he was still cursed, but he also might not have been here today if things went wrong.

[ ... ]

That's when he suggested we go on a friend date, or whatever, so that we could try to make things less weird for Tokyo. I dunno if it was working. He talked to me more in one day than he had for six weeks, and then...

[ they met up with senri and that disaster happened ]

.... I messed it all up.

[ . . . ]

I've messed up a lot of things for you here.

[being the reason why a lot of people would talk to taka instead of going to him for him, being the one to tell him that madoka had told ray his alignment, being the one to spill his alignment to ishi, stealing his attention away when he could've been with someone that he got along with better -

even if the last one makes senri's heart twist so painfully he can't stand it]

... I'm sorry.

The two of you would probably get along fine if it wasn't for me. You like the same music, video games, fashion....

[maybe things could've gone so much simpler if senri wasn't in the picture - but he has no idea how to solve something like that, when he's always been too afraid to disappear]

I would have never learned any of that about him if it weren't for you.

[ he says that so firmly, because takaomi knows himself and that he wouldn't have reached out to sasuke if senri wasn't in the picture; they share too many similar traits that felt more like a painful reminder than anything, and that he needed a push to get over that. ]

Almost every good thing that has happened to me here leads straight back to you.

[ . . . . for a long moment, he's quiet.

and when he speaks again it's soft, and a little plaintive, like he's been trying his best for seven weeks and it doesn't feel like it's good enough]

Then why does it feel like I keep messing up....

[why can't he make people happy with the truth? isn't this why lying was easier? everyday it feels more tempting to go back to that, to cover everything with lies]

Because no one is perfect, and everyone is stressed and that's just from the murder, and not counting all this other bullshit we're piling on top of it.

[ he reaches over to kiss senri on the forehead. ]

I'll be so miserable without you.

[ . . . and senri just nods quietly]

Then... I can't let you be miserable...

[even if that's

the only thing that'll keep him moving forward for the next day, when he questions everything else]

... thank you for hanging out with him, even though you suspected how he felt about me....

... he tried really hard. He told me a lot about himself, things he probably never thought of telling me before. Konoha, his brother, his wish...

[ he sighs, his hold on senri tightening. ]

I didn't say anything. I listened, and commented, but all I really shared in return was stories about you. I'm pretty terrible.

[senri tilts his head at that, quietly curious before leaning up to press a gentle kiss to taka's lips]

Can I ask why...?

Do you not like him...? Or - you don't know how to talk to him....?

I just haven't told anyone. I've talked about the school a little, or music, or video games, but...

[ nothing else.

there's a reason he keeps saying he doesn't have friends. ]

[senri considers this quietly again and he reaches up to run his fingers through taka's hair]

.... does it feel too heavy?

To reach out to other people?

It's easier to just not to.

Your boyfriend is more of a scared cat than a lion.

... I did call you timid before.

[senri's expression softens though and he leans in to give taka another kiss at that, as if that'll manage to get some of the worry to disappear]

... but you connected with others - right? Rise-chan... Merriment...

You confessed to me.

And I still think that might've been the best thing that's happened in the whole game.

[ he almost wants to say the gods don't count, because it was easier to talk to them. they already knew just enough so that there was no point in staying completely quiet on things.

but he can't lie and say he doesn't care for them, and that the idea of never seeing them again is painful. ]

Thank you.

You don't need to thank me for that... I love you, and I'm always going to be grateful that you said something first, when I was too stupid to see it.

[he wraps his arms around taka's neck, pulling him in closer until he can rest their foreheads together]

... you're mine and I'm yours. I'll be alright, as long as I have you.

[ . . . ]

But... if you ever want to reach out more, even if it might not be easy - I'll help you carry the weight, if you want.

And if anyone ever hurts you, we'll send Sasuke.

Because he's your friend, too, whether you want to admit it or not.

[ he huffs out what could be a laugh, closing his eyes.

it's so strange to think that earlier this morning, they were imagining their future home together, and then later on sasuke kissed him, and now they're here.

no matter how rocky things get or curves people throw at them, they'll always arrive here. ]

What is he, our bouncer?

I've thought of him as a bodyguard for a while now, to be honest.

[ . . . ]

.... please trust him a little more, Taka. If he's coming all the way to Tokyo with us, wants to come to Tokyo with us...

[and he'll look up to watch taka's expression]

I ask you for a lot but....

I think this is a good idea.

So even if it's hard, can you... try to do it for me?

I don't... mind him coming, or anything. He probably should. Even if he doesn't stay there permanently and just goes back and forth, he... needs a break.

[ taka got the sparknotes version of sasuke's life and it sucks, wow ]

I dunno if we'll ever be close friends. But I'll try.

... I know you don't, because you're sweet, even if you're really bad at showing it.

[and he'll give taka another kiss at that- because senri never doubted it. being a ninja is hard, and sasuke's been through a lot, and he had a feeling that if there was ever a chance that someone would want something calmer, taka wouldn't mind opening up their world and a part of their lives

but]

... just open up a little. I know relationships can feel light a tightrope walk sometimes but...

If you slip, or it's not what you thought it'd be, I'll catch you.

[ he blinks in surprise at that

and he kisses him again, because he needs the moment to think and he'd rather be kissing senri while doing it than not.

We'll figure it out. It kind of seems like he thinks if we don't solve everything right away, it won't work, but... the whole point of it is that we'll have time.

[hmmm. senri will lean into the kiss because that makes it easier and he can't help but wonder quietly]

... is there anything that still needs to be solved...?

I want my friend to come with us, because that's the only way I'll have a chance of seeing him again. I don't think I'll be able to return his feelings... because I love you too much to even think about it.

If you two can just be friends... I think that'd make me the happiest.

... mm, well there's also the logistics of it all, but I think a lot of it will depend on if he's staying with us permanently or is going back and forth. When I was talking to him about it earlier today, he made it sound like we had to have everything figured out by now.

[ ... ]

He'd have to stay with us, right? He'd be given his own dorm room if he went to school with us, but if he doesn't...

Why wouldn't he go to school with us? Yuni got in because Shinbasaki-senpai would've died otherwise - that weirdo Chairman would love to have a ninja. Kumarin-senpai would probably just do the entire admissions process by himself if it meant someone to spar with, and then leave Hakka-senpai with all the paperwork.

[DREAM!ING IS SO FUCKED UP]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject