usogi | [ canonmates who don't trust each other for shit babey ]

[senri is immediately going to reach his arm open for taka so that he can curl up next to him because he's definitely upset]

... she ignored me.

For hours.

[ into senri's arms he goes, and he shifts their position slightly so that it's more like senri is the one being held. ]

... and then she finally responded?

[senri accepts this and he's going to press his face into taka's chest and

quietly shake his head no]

... I made her cry....

[and he feels like the worst human being on the planet]

[ he gently pats senri on the head, letting his fingers stroke through his hair. ]

She'll let you talk to her eventually. She probably just needs some time.

.... we don't have a lot of that....

[and he presses his face more into taka, clinging onto him]

I'm mad at Piety-san for telling her... but I can't even blame her for being mad. I just... I haven't been able to convince anyone to join her team... And Ishirin-san and you both need your wishes, too. Luke-kun, too....

... I think that it's impossible to make everyone happy in a game like this, especially when you grow close to different people who are all competing against each other. No matter how much you like all of them, only one of them can win.

If anything, this probably shows that she's not really ready for this kind of responsibility.

[and senri bristles automatically - ]

She's learning... She's allowed to be upset if one of her friends hurts her, and it's allowed to be my fault, Taka...

[even as he continues to cling onto him, sighing as he does]

.... sorry. I know that's... that's what you think, and we never agree on anything anyway... but it's frustrating that I... I really can't change people's minds when it counts.

And my friend is hurt because of that.

... my point is that we've basically reached the deadline. And I don't expect someone to be perfect at leading, especially since it's not like any of them has been in charge of a whole pantheon before, but we need to seriously consider the options now.

[ and someone who refuses to talk to you because their feelings got hurt, in a game they helped design to work this way, does not sound like the best pick to be in charge of all of the loud personalities that make up the gods ]

If she's refusing to talk to you, who told you? Piety?

Yu-kun and Connor-san broke into her room... and when I went to talk to Connor-san, he told me that she'd written in her diary. She was wondering if it was all lies when I talked to her, if I was ever really her friend. [and that makes senri cling a little bit tighter] Because Piety-san told her that I was going to try to get him the majority instead but -

It's not like it's my first choice, or like it's easy, when Bambi is my friend...

I don't blame her for being mad at me but - Piety said her because he didn't want to surprise her later, and have her think that he was betraying her but instead.... Now she thinks I was betraying her.

... I understand wanting to give her a general heads up, but he didn't have to pin it all on you. You weren't even the one who suggested Piety in the first place.

[ if anything, taka was one of the first people advocating for him the most. senri's just been following through with the idea. ]

You weren't betraying her, by the way. You just can't always base your decisions on who you're closer with. If that were the case, we'd be trying to get everyone to switch to our actual gods.

.... mmm.

[senri eases, slowly but surely. there's still something tense in his shoulders, but he's quiet as he listens to taka and tries to absorb what he's saying. he presses his face into taka's shoulders and shuts his eye as he sighs.]

.... I was prepared for her to be mad at me, at the end. Maybe that would've been worse, because I would've left and she still would've been mad at me. But... ahh, I'm still so....

[upset. guilty.]

I thought I was really doing better...

Hey.

[ the hand that was brushing against senri's hair moves to rub his back instead. ]

Every time there's a setback doesn't mean you're not doing better. If you think you make a mistake, then sit back and try to figure out how you might be able to fix it. [ ... ] But don't immediately rush into it without thinking. Don't rush things.

[ taka has,,, recently learned that lesson himself ]

[ . . . . and senri just pouts]

... I might've been a little short with Piety... but I was polite.

[ . . . ]

Mostly.

[ . . . ]

I mean, for a certain definition of polite.

[A LONGER PAUSE]

... I'll apologize when I'm not as mad.

[ ................. ]

What did you say.

.... I was just moody, and I didn't like the answer that he gave me. I told him that I wasn't going to pour my heart out to him anymore, if I was just going to end up being a topic of conversation - I didn't think he'd just go and tell her all that when he was the one who warned me that she could be upset in the first place.

[ughhh]

I... wasn't trying to be mean or anything. I didn't call names or...

I'm just still not happy.

Yeah. Apologize later. If you need a mediator, let me know.

[ ..... he knows how grumpy senri can get ]

You're allowed to be mad though.

.... he didn't seem mad at me, but that's just...

[he sighs. it almost made him angrier, but senri's not the type to yell at someone who won't yell back anyway. he shakes his head]

I just walked away when I didn't have anything else to say...

[like

10 comments in]

I'll apologize for being short with him, I guess.

I just don't know if you being mad at him might affect anything.

[ the final tally, he means ]

[senri sighs]

... No, I've only told Connor-san and you. I'm not going to start trash talking him or anything, when you and Ishirin-san still have your faith in him.

I don't need to have faith in him - just his vision. Balance. Everything else will fit into place after that.

... well, like I said, you're allowed to be mad. And so is Ambition.

But you're all going to have to meet in the middle somewhere.

[ . . . and senri sighs]

I'll talk to her. I don't want her to think that I'm not her friend, or that she hasn't done great. She's been amazing.

... I just... If I can't convince everyone else of that, I have to make a choice...

Right?

Just remember that you're not the deciding factor here, Senri.

You're not here to convince everyone. You can give them the option, and then they decide.

[ . . . and senri just sighs]

A performer should be able to get people to listen to them....

[and he presses his face against taka's shoulder]

... you're right. You and Cheri are both right. It's not... on me... but - I guess I just wanted to make a persuasive case...

A performer can get someone to listen to them, but what the audience takes away from the performance is up to themselves, isn't it?

[ he kisses senri's hair ]

Two people can watch the same show and both love it, but it might only become one of theirs favorite. That doesn't make your performance any less powerful, it just means it connected with one person a little more than the other.

[ . . . and senri just nods quietly at that, closing his eye as he presses against taka as if just having him closer is all senri needs to feel better]

.... there's just... a lot of really important wishes.

That's still all I want... If convincing everyone to believe in Bambi would get them all, I'd do that in a heartbeat. But if it can only happen through Piety...

... that's what I think, anyway. I'm going to feel bad if something goes wrong but....

[ . . . ]

My wish already came true. I'll be okay no matter what.

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