[ senri & ray are not okay ]

[usogi]

Comments

[selfimmolates]

[...]

I know.

[he says, because he can't say what he's actually thinking.]

[usogi]

[senri's brow furrows then - ]

... I don't think you do, otherwise you wouldn't have said that in the first place.

You know I'd never let anything happen to you, right? Like I'd sooner take a bullet than let it happen to you?

[selfimmolates]

[...

he breathes in, out. smiles. also senri, could you, like, not.]

Knowing you, you'd probably just end up missing entirely.

[usogi]

[no!! he continues to look perplexed]

I get it. I'm not the smartest person here, or the strongest, or most useful -

But I'd never let you get hurt, Ray-kun. I haven't told anyone here anything about you just because I don't want you to be mad at me, or feel like you can't rely on me.

[selfimmolates]

[god why the fuck does senri make this so hard]

You're not exactly known for your honesty, so you can understand why I can't take that at face value, right?

[usogi]

No, but -

[ . . . ]

Not even Shishimaru knows anything about you, and I tell him everything that I tell you - minus stuff like your alignments.

I can't bend over backwards to show my loyalty more than I already have, Ray-kun, but I can't figure out what you want from me.

What do you want me to do? Let you stab me and not tell anyone?

[selfimmolates]

Why the hell would I want to stab you? I'd have to clean up afterwards.

[besides even guy did that so that's apparently a really low standard for courtesy??]

And with all due respect, you literally walked up to me yesterday and actively started lying about your curse. Besides, you actually don't know anything about me either.

[usogi]

That wasn't a lie - Sasuke-kun probably did feel like being mean to me. You don't make it easy for me to reveal the names of people who are close to me when you're not volunteering anything on your own either anymore, you know?

[he looks increasingly frustrated.]

Do you think I like how it's been going? I can tell that there's something still off - but you just won't admit it. You'll just keep proving how much you distrust me every second, even when I'm trying to be more honest with you than anyone else in the game.

[selfimmolates]

It wasn't a lie by technicality, but you were being misleading and you know it. Honestly, it'd have been a smarter move not to bring up the curse at all, if you wanted to protect Sasuke. There was no reason to even mention it.

[takes a moment to criticize senri's technique because ray's just like that]

There was only one moment where I asked you to be honest. Otherwise, I've never expected you to be.

[usogi]

I'd assume that you're talking about when we talked about our initial alignments - but I clearly don't know what's going on in your head.

Is that what you mean?

[selfimmolates]

It doesn't matter now.

[usogi]

It does.

[and he huffs out an annoyed breath]

I really, really need you to tell me - because I know what it feels like to not feel like you've got a friend in the world that's in your corner when it really counts, and I don't want you to feel that. Not for anything.

[selfimmolates]

[that gets a scoff.]

What, so Mr. Popular is lonely? Guess "being fake" really isn't just part of your job, huh?

[usogi]

I get lonely more easily than anyone I know.

[he admits that first, gives it up like it's a fact

and then he hesitates, before he continues - ]

... do you know how hard it is to get people to actually care sincerely about someone as shallow as me? I've never had anyone pay attention to me before, or care about what I did - before I came here.

[selfimmolates]

[... well okay he wasn't expecting like. an actual confession and he's evidently thrown off by this. it takes him a moment to recover, before—]

If that's the case, then you shouldn't be attaching yourself to someone like me. Besides, Takaomi seemed ready to fight anyone who messed with you last trial.

[usogi]

I told you that he's a more sincere person than me - but that's not what I want to talk about, you know that.

[HE'S NOT LETTING THIS GO, RAY]

What do you want me to do? Talk to Ruin for you? Cunning? Send me on some stupid quest if you have to, just don't try to get me to leave you alone.

[selfimmolates]

[JUST LET IT GO!!]

As funny as it might be, I don't want you to do any of that. I just expect you to continue as you've always done. Be dishonest, if you want. It doesn't matter.

[usogi]

Saying that it doesn't matter is a lie - and it's one that I'm not believing.

I did something to bother you, and you won't tell me what, so I can't apologize or fix it. Are you mad I didn't go to see you after trial on Saturday?

You didn't answer my question - when did you want me to be honest?

[selfimmolates]

[he knew he'd regret saying that.

... what if he just punched senri and fled? no, then senri would still bother him tomorrow... also some other people here might kill him for it, depending.]

You already know the answer to that.

[usogi]

Gods? Something about Madopyon? The weird time you grilled me on my love life?

[?????]

[selfimmolates]

[............]

Yes. That's exactly it.

[usogi]

—huh?

Which one? Are you being serious?

[selfimmolates]

No.

[usogi]

[god dammit he's trying so hard to think and remember - ]

.... the very first week?

When you asked me if Beauty or Merriment was definitely my god?

[selfimmolates]

[he just facepalms.]