usogi | [ canonmates who don't trust each other for shit babey ]

... like I said, it's something I've been talking to a few gods about. He's always been pretty adamant about arguing against it.

Sorry. I shouldn't have said anything to him.

... you make it hard to argue when you apologize right away.

[now he's irritated and he has no place for the agitation to go!!!!]

... are you going to talk to him?

I'm very well aware that I fucked up, Senri.

[ he frowns ]

Yeah. I was supposed to go back to see him after you told me what was up.

[ . . . .ugggghhhhh

it's hard to be stuck between two emotions. the first tells him that since tamaki is still sad about something, he should be mad. and he should try to fight whatever it was that made someone important to him mad, because senri is loyal to the core.

the other issue at hand is.

it's taka. it's taka who senri loves more than anyone else in the universe, and he doesn't like to hear taka say that he fucked up when it was an accident and something out of his hands. it's not like he went out of his way to hurt tamaki, and he probably already feels bad.

so senri struggles with it for a second]

... it's not...

You didn't know. I didn't know. It's...

You're still learning how to be friends, right? Things like this might happen - where people have landmines you don't know about and won't find until an accident happens. It's not that you fucked up, it's just...

[ . . . ]

It'll be okay.

So... please help me take care of him.

[ taka has been wondering "what did i do" regarding beauty for more or less a week now, because he knew it was something he said that triggered it, even if the god keeps denying it.

he really hasn't done anything right here. ]

I'll talk to him. [ ... ] Be angry with me if that's what you want. I deserve it.

[ there's a pause like he's. not sure if he should kiss him, but then he shakes his head. ]

I'll see you later.

[senri deflates more, because it's extra hard to be mad at taka when he invites it. there's still the bundle of irritation, though now coupled with the feeling of guilt that he added to his boyfriend's problems

he squeezes taka's hand once and leans in to kiss the corner of his mouth if he won't initiate]

... just be gentle with him, please.

There's more that he told me, but it's...

I think he's just been hurt a lot, and isn't handling the same troubles happening to him again well. Losing the people that he's come to care for, wondering if it's worth the pain...

[ god, he really fucked up

he stares blankly for a moment, and he doesn't kiss senri back, but he does give his hand a light squeeze before letting go of it. ]

Okay. I'll find you after.

[ . . . . no kiss back

senri pouts a little bit but. nods and draws his hand back closer to himself.]

... okay...

Don't beat yourself up too much.

[ he shrugs

and with a small wave he turns around to leave and head for the altar room ]

[well

whenever taka makes it back to their hotel room

senri is going to be curled up on the bed, reading. he looks like he's cried a little again... what the fuck does he do when taka is gone

anyway,]

... Bambi won't talk to me. I made her cry, because Piety-san told her that I was trying to get people to join his team instead of letting her win.

[ . . . ]

If this is his idea of mediating, he's shit at it, actually.

[ ... there's always something going on, huh

he slips his shoes off before walking over to the bed, crawling in next to senri. ]

Did she send letters instead of seeing you?

[senri is immediately going to reach his arm open for taka so that he can curl up next to him because he's definitely upset]

... she ignored me.

For hours.

[ into senri's arms he goes, and he shifts their position slightly so that it's more like senri is the one being held. ]

... and then she finally responded?

[senri accepts this and he's going to press his face into taka's chest and

quietly shake his head no]

... I made her cry....

[and he feels like the worst human being on the planet]

[ he gently pats senri on the head, letting his fingers stroke through his hair. ]

She'll let you talk to her eventually. She probably just needs some time.

.... we don't have a lot of that....

[and he presses his face more into taka, clinging onto him]

I'm mad at Piety-san for telling her... but I can't even blame her for being mad. I just... I haven't been able to convince anyone to join her team... And Ishirin-san and you both need your wishes, too. Luke-kun, too....

... I think that it's impossible to make everyone happy in a game like this, especially when you grow close to different people who are all competing against each other. No matter how much you like all of them, only one of them can win.

If anything, this probably shows that she's not really ready for this kind of responsibility.

[and senri bristles automatically - ]

She's learning... She's allowed to be upset if one of her friends hurts her, and it's allowed to be my fault, Taka...

[even as he continues to cling onto him, sighing as he does]

.... sorry. I know that's... that's what you think, and we never agree on anything anyway... but it's frustrating that I... I really can't change people's minds when it counts.

And my friend is hurt because of that.

... my point is that we've basically reached the deadline. And I don't expect someone to be perfect at leading, especially since it's not like any of them has been in charge of a whole pantheon before, but we need to seriously consider the options now.

[ and someone who refuses to talk to you because their feelings got hurt, in a game they helped design to work this way, does not sound like the best pick to be in charge of all of the loud personalities that make up the gods ]

If she's refusing to talk to you, who told you? Piety?

Yu-kun and Connor-san broke into her room... and when I went to talk to Connor-san, he told me that she'd written in her diary. She was wondering if it was all lies when I talked to her, if I was ever really her friend. [and that makes senri cling a little bit tighter] Because Piety-san told her that I was going to try to get him the majority instead but -

It's not like it's my first choice, or like it's easy, when Bambi is my friend...

I don't blame her for being mad at me but - Piety said her because he didn't want to surprise her later, and have her think that he was betraying her but instead.... Now she thinks I was betraying her.

... I understand wanting to give her a general heads up, but he didn't have to pin it all on you. You weren't even the one who suggested Piety in the first place.

[ if anything, taka was one of the first people advocating for him the most. senri's just been following through with the idea. ]

You weren't betraying her, by the way. You just can't always base your decisions on who you're closer with. If that were the case, we'd be trying to get everyone to switch to our actual gods.

.... mmm.

[senri eases, slowly but surely. there's still something tense in his shoulders, but he's quiet as he listens to taka and tries to absorb what he's saying. he presses his face into taka's shoulders and shuts his eye as he sighs.]

.... I was prepared for her to be mad at me, at the end. Maybe that would've been worse, because I would've left and she still would've been mad at me. But... ahh, I'm still so....

[upset. guilty.]

I thought I was really doing better...

Hey.

[ the hand that was brushing against senri's hair moves to rub his back instead. ]

Every time there's a setback doesn't mean you're not doing better. If you think you make a mistake, then sit back and try to figure out how you might be able to fix it. [ ... ] But don't immediately rush into it without thinking. Don't rush things.

[ taka has,,, recently learned that lesson himself ]

[ . . . . and senri just pouts]

... I might've been a little short with Piety... but I was polite.

[ . . . ]

Mostly.

[ . . . ]

I mean, for a certain definition of polite.

[A LONGER PAUSE]

... I'll apologize when I'm not as mad.

[ ................. ]

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