usogi | [ canonmates who don't trust each other for shit babey ]

....

[and senri is just quiet as he nods]

... that's a good wish....

Tama-chin is... holding onto a lot. I think he doesn't want to make anyone sad if they found out what his life has been like. It hasn't been easy. He um... cried when he told me about it, and I've never really seen him break down like that.

I told him... I don't blame him if he can't tell anyone else, because it's painful for him to think about it. He's had to leave behind his home twice now and - if we all leave, he probably feels like he's losing it again.

[ . . . ]

I'm worried about him... but I also - I think... I can't blame him for feeling lonely again.

I would too, if I didn't know I was going home with you.

[ ... ]

When did he tell you all of this? When he, uh, cried. Saturday, or...?

Yeah...

[senri's brow furrows]

I thought... something was wrong on Wednesday, during our dance. I think something was making him sad, but he didn't want to worry me - but I didn't have time to check in on him after everything happened. Then he wouldn't hold my hands during trial, so I went to check on him on Saturday...

Maybe I should've gone to see him sooner...

[ ....................... yikes ]

He wouldn't have wanted you to worry with everything else going on.

He never wants to worry anyone - but it means that he carries everything by himself. I'm not... I don't really know how to help people when they're that upset, but... I didn't want him to be alone.

He admitted that he was bad at it anyway, even though it might -

[ . . . senri pauses and lifts his head so that he can face taka, brow furrowing]

Taka, did you talk to him?

Last week.

[ fuck ]

... I meet up with him at least once a week, yeah.

Is there a chance that when you met up with him, during this once a week situation, you might've suggested to him that maybe it's better not to make connections with people?

It was either you or Sasuke - because I don't know anyone else who would suggest that to him.

So I'd like to know, if you don't mind.

Edited 2019-04-04 21:04 (UTC)

[ FUCK ]

... that has been something we've been talking about for a while. I've been talking about it with a few other gods, too.

[ . . . ]

Right.

[and he'll pull away, running a hand through his hair irritatedly]

... you -

[you hurt him is what senri wants to argue first, angrily in the same way that he was furious when ambition cried in his arms. but the sensible part of his brain that is still unfathomably in love with taka reminds him not on purpose.]

... couldn't have known that it would end up like this.

[ ... he can tell that senri is annoyed. he's not surprised; if anything, it'll be more shocking if he was okay with it.

taka scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, not sure what to say. ]

... I think I'm gonna go.

[ . . . and senri just sighs and reaches for taka's hand first]

It's your choice. We argue about this now or later - but I don't want you to make it to dinner with me still mad at you.

... like I said, it's something I've been talking to a few gods about. He's always been pretty adamant about arguing against it.

Sorry. I shouldn't have said anything to him.

... you make it hard to argue when you apologize right away.

[now he's irritated and he has no place for the agitation to go!!!!]

... are you going to talk to him?

I'm very well aware that I fucked up, Senri.

[ he frowns ]

Yeah. I was supposed to go back to see him after you told me what was up.

[ . . . .ugggghhhhh

it's hard to be stuck between two emotions. the first tells him that since tamaki is still sad about something, he should be mad. and he should try to fight whatever it was that made someone important to him mad, because senri is loyal to the core.

the other issue at hand is.

it's taka. it's taka who senri loves more than anyone else in the universe, and he doesn't like to hear taka say that he fucked up when it was an accident and something out of his hands. it's not like he went out of his way to hurt tamaki, and he probably already feels bad.

so senri struggles with it for a second]

... it's not...

You didn't know. I didn't know. It's...

You're still learning how to be friends, right? Things like this might happen - where people have landmines you don't know about and won't find until an accident happens. It's not that you fucked up, it's just...

[ . . . ]

It'll be okay.

So... please help me take care of him.

[ taka has been wondering "what did i do" regarding beauty for more or less a week now, because he knew it was something he said that triggered it, even if the god keeps denying it.

he really hasn't done anything right here. ]

I'll talk to him. [ ... ] Be angry with me if that's what you want. I deserve it.

[ there's a pause like he's. not sure if he should kiss him, but then he shakes his head. ]

I'll see you later.

[senri deflates more, because it's extra hard to be mad at taka when he invites it. there's still the bundle of irritation, though now coupled with the feeling of guilt that he added to his boyfriend's problems

he squeezes taka's hand once and leans in to kiss the corner of his mouth if he won't initiate]

... just be gentle with him, please.

There's more that he told me, but it's...

I think he's just been hurt a lot, and isn't handling the same troubles happening to him again well. Losing the people that he's come to care for, wondering if it's worth the pain...

[ god, he really fucked up

he stares blankly for a moment, and he doesn't kiss senri back, but he does give his hand a light squeeze before letting go of it. ]

Okay. I'll find you after.

[ . . . . no kiss back

senri pouts a little bit but. nods and draws his hand back closer to himself.]

... okay...

Don't beat yourself up too much.

[ he shrugs

and with a small wave he turns around to leave and head for the altar room ]

[well

whenever taka makes it back to their hotel room

senri is going to be curled up on the bed, reading. he looks like he's cried a little again... what the fuck does he do when taka is gone

anyway,]

... Bambi won't talk to me. I made her cry, because Piety-san told her that I was trying to get people to join his team instead of letting her win.

[ . . . ]

If this is his idea of mediating, he's shit at it, actually.

[ ... there's always something going on, huh

he slips his shoes off before walking over to the bed, crawling in next to senri. ]

Did she send letters instead of seeing you?

[senri is immediately going to reach his arm open for taka so that he can curl up next to him because he's definitely upset]

... she ignored me.

For hours.

[ into senri's arms he goes, and he shifts their position slightly so that it's more like senri is the one being held. ]

... and then she finally responded?

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