usogi | [ canonmates who don't trust each other for shit babey ]

[ . . . and senri shakes his head as he presses his forehead against taka's]

Not as long as you want my attention.

Nothing - .... no one is as important to me here as you.

[ he's not sure if it makes him a bad person if his heart does a flip at that, even with the current circumstances

it probably does. ]

... talk to me about something. Anything.

[senri will just sigh a little bit at that, and offer a soft smile even as he pulls back, only to take taka's hand so they can go to bed. he doesn't really want to have this conversation standing anymore]

... when we go home, I'm going to ask the third years to help me throw the biggest party. I don't know what I'll say the occasion in, but I'm sure Kumarin-senpai will have an idea.

There's going to be a bunch of really cute dessert, and a mountain of burgers. Maybe Ryugasaki-senpai will get us some virtual reality game to play, and Torasawa-senpai will wear one of those super Dad-like aprons while he tries to cook the food.

[ he lifts up the covers so that they can both get under the pile, and once they're in he'll just. immediately turns to senri. ]

That sounds like it'll turn into something chaotic really quickly.

[once they're underneath the blanket pile, senri is just going to scoot as close to taka as he can, reaching his arms around his neck and leaning in so close that they're practically nose to nose.]

Uh-huh.

Hari probably gets a horse from somewhere, because he misunderstands what kind of party it is. It'll be some rare breed Yumapi has never seen, so he'll try to sketch it. Hanabusa-senpai will arrive late with a knife jabbed into his shoulder, and then Mikekado-senpai will say he's the one who put it there for once.

Shibasaki-senpai will probably trip right into the sound system, and Hakka-senpai will wonder who authorized the party in the first place.

That sounds stupid enough to be right.

[ he could picture it really well, to the point of being able to visualize whatever nonsense conversation they're having.

but it still feels far off. ]

What would you be doing?

[and senri just ducks in closer to taka at that, pressing his face into taka's neck]

.... I'm going to arrive fashionably late, even though it was part of my idea, I think. I'll hang out at the doorway, just watching everyone be ridiculous, because it's been a while. I'll feel exhausted, and tired, but - at home.

Then whenever I see you - stuffing your face with your fourth burger, probably? - I'll finally walk in.

And we'll sit together. And we'll argue, until you say something that makes me so angry I have no choice but to kiss you.

And then we'll be the weirdest part of an already super weird party.

[ ah, that manages to get a small smile out of him. ]

You were already the weirdest part of the party.

[ there's a pause, and he presses a short kiss to the side of senri's head. it's hesitant, since he's still not actually sure if he's allowed to do that despite senri doing the same to him. ]

[senri actually manages a little laugh at that - weak as it is. it makes his shoulders shake along with the cold, and he lifts his head to face taka again]

.... you're not allowed to say that to me when Hari is fictionally right there.

[ . . . ]

.... we'll be okay. I know it - doesn't feel that way right now. [they're cold, and miserable, and traumatized] But... we'll be going home together, no matter what.

Mm.

[ he lifts a hand so he can stroke senri's cheek. his fingers are cold, but so is senri. ]

As long as you're here...

[senri sighs a little bit - in relief? in relaxation? in fondness? who can really say. his expression softens and he presses close enough that their foreheads touch again.]

... I'm not going anywhere.

I'll be with you, for as long as you want me.

[ there's a moment of pause, as he glances away then back at senri. ]

I want you. So... don't worry about that.

[ . . . and he laughs faintly at that before he leans in to press another kiss to taka's cheek, soft and lingering. he pulls back just a little bit]

... I want you too.

I want you to be happy more than anything - when you work harder than anyone else.

So... while I figure out how to make that happen, please stay with me. And tell me what I can do for you.

Just keep being a moron.

[ it's been too long since the last time he insulted senri.

but then he smiles, and for the moment it's okay. he thinks that if he closes his eyes, he can see senri's face instead of a body hitting metal, after metal, before it slams into the ground. ]

I'll be okay.

Hey...

[there's a wry smile at that, because he can't just accept it but. senri will just sigh and continue to hold taka close, studying his expression to make sure that he's telling the truth.]

.... okay. If you need anything tomorrow, just... sit next to me.

[because he'll be fucking cold and dying and he can already start to feeling colder, still trembling faintly even underneath all the blankets and against taka but.]

... we'll figure it all out together.

Yeah.

[ it's fine. he just settles more against senri, and he's quiet again after that. ]

Thanks.

[senri offers up a soft smile]

... you don't need to thank me for that.

I'm always going to be here for you - whatever you need or want, I'll make it happen.

I know you're going through your own stuff.

[ takaomi refuses to be the one to outright bring up beauty but

that's still hanging there. ]

So thanks.

[ . . . . . and senri pauses - like he's not going to talk about it for a little bit longer.

and then he sighs.]

... it was a nice dream, but it's not going to work out.

[he reaches up to cup taka's cheek, tilting his head as he watches his expression]

I'm.... just a little bit brokenhearted, maybe - but.... no matter what stupid feelings I go through here....

[he tries to think of a way that he can express this - and decides to go for the nerdiest way, these fucking morons - ]

You're endgame, for me.

[ he blinks in surprise, and then he lets out a breath that he didn't really know he was holding. taka leans in more to the touch, nuzling his cheek into senri's palm. ]

I kinda thought you were gonna dump me.

[ and that he was just delaying it due to the current circumstances. ]

[senri looks noticeably surprised at that, even as he lets his thumb run across taka's cheek - ]

What?

I spoke to Beauty on Tuesday. It was... kind of obvious he had a thing for you.

[ although not obvious to senri, apparently. ]

[ . . . ]

Sorry....

[he actually. doesn't seem to know what to say aside from that?]

It must get tiring - to be patient with me, when all I do is...

[find trouble.]

You're... a lot, but I've known that for months now.

[ before he even liked him as a friend, even. ]

You annoy me, and sometimes you do things without really thinking about them and make a mess, but... I want to be there for all of that, you know. You're worth it.

[it's that overwhelming feeling again. like something is twisting in senri's chest, because he didn't think that he'd ever have anyone that would stay. he didn't think he'd ever had anyone that could still care about him, no matter what mistakes he made, or what lies he told.

he pauses - and he just lets his head fall against taka's shoulder as he thinks about it, quiet and stunned.]

... I wanted - just one someone. Who could still stay with me, no matter how cold it got, or...

[ . . . ]

I think... I got a lot more offers than I was prepared for - to be that someone. People to take care of me....

So I... I'm sorry if I'm still - figuring that out. [how to handle people who like him, somehow, despite his laundry list of faults] But... please stay with me.

I'd like it if I - could always come back to you.

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