[ senri & ray are not okay ]

[usogi]

Comments

[selfimmolates]

[OKAY HE'S FREEZING UP WHAT THE HELL]

[usogi]

[that'll do, because senri has a little bit more to say]

... "I'll be with Sincerity next week or the week after" - technically isn't a lie, when I've been with Sincerity since the beginning. So if it came down to it, you always could've told someone how to get rid of me, if you needed to.

But you trusted me with your god, when I didn't trust you with mine more clearly, no matter the reason... and I'm a real jerk for that.

So I get it if you're mad at me.... and I'm sorry I derailed the trial yesterday with something unrelated... I'm really not smart enough for this game sometimes, but I wanted to try and make this right first at least.

[selfimmolates]

[...

as much as ray isn't big on physical affection with anyone but his siblings (and even that was somewhat of a recent development), he's glad for the hug—because it means senri can't see the way his expression falters.

swiftly, he corrects it. when he speaks, his tone is the same as ever.]

Lying is the smart move to make in this competition. Deception is part of what it was founded on, after all. I'm not mad.

[why should he be? senri did what he had to, for the sake of trying to protect those he cared about.

ray was the one who screwed up.]

[usogi]

.... Madopyon said the same thing.... and it's true that I was scared that you were mad at me, but... I was even more scared that you'd think that I didn't trust you, or something like that. Because I do, because we're friends....

Everything else I've told you has been true, I was just... keeping that part a little closer to the chest.

[ . . . he pulls back, but keeps his hands on ray's shoulders.]

Not that it really matters anymore.

[selfimmolates]

[he doesn't say anything for a bit. (it's because most of his effort is going into keeping a blank face.)

he can't be like emma. he already tried, and failed.]

... Whatever.

[usogi]

... okay, food time.

[and off they begin on their walk!! presuming that no one else is around - ]

... I made a deal with Uchiha. He's going to Merriment. Ishirin-san is going to be okay, and is also going to Merriment. I think that's confusing enough that I can go to Justice - and if I stay with him for a week, Uchiha will teach me how to throw a real punch.

I found out who cursed me - it was Mizuki-san, so it confirms they were with Beauty... and they kept my name out of the power request, which is the only reason why Beauty let it happen. Because otherwise, he never would've let that happen to me.

[and that's what you missed on Glee]

[selfimmolates]

... I see.

So you're good with them now?

[usogi]

.... yeah. They apologized to me, even if it was only so I wouldn't blame Beauty.

[and he shakes his head]

So... I guess I wasn't technically lied to - that the gods can have their biases amongst participants.

[selfimmolates]

Are you still upset with Beauty?

[usogi]

..... I want to say yes but the answer is no.

[because he's dumb and gay]

[selfimmolates]

You want to be upset with him but not the person who actually targeted you?

[usogi]

.... I always thought that Beauty cared about me more than Mizuki-san.

That's why I was so upset.

[selfimmolates]

Why?

[usogi]

... he knows why I want to win. He took my hands and said, even if I'm not his follower, he'll do everything in his power to make my wish come true. He wants to give me everything that I ask for, and feels bad when he has to tell me no. He wants me on his side, of course, but he's always wanted me to be safe and happy more than that.

[senri shrugs helplessly]

He takes really good care of me, even if I'm not his own. .... I think that's part of why I wanted to protect him so badly.

[selfimmolates]

[...]

Caring isn't a limited resource. That he cares for Mizuki as well doesn't necessarily subtract what he feels for you, and vice versa.

[usogi]

Mm, I know. But Mizuki-san never promised to take care of me - so that's why it was easier to forgive them. They're just another participant in this game.

[ . . . ]

Mizuki-san is smart. I think they didn't tell Beauty they wanted to use the power on me on purpose, because they know he cares about me.

[selfimmolates]

Maybe. [...] Why did Mizuki use their power on you to begin with?

[usogi]

Because I didn't tell them who I was aligned with. I was trying to be nice and avoid outright lies, but then we started living together and they decided to just curse me into it instead.

With horrible timing.

In the worst possible way.

That inconvenienced everyone.

[selfimmolates]

[ray's mouth presses into a line for a moment, before he shrugs.]

Well, if there was any trial to waste time on, I guess that one was the right one, seeing as how we were doomed from the start.

[usogi]

.... that's the other thing.

Did you talk to Piety or Ishirin-san?

[selfimmolates]

No. I was busy with other stuff.

[usogi]

[what the fuck]

How? You always talk to the gods at least...!!

[selfimmolates]

That's what I was doing.

[usogi]

Who did you go see, if not Piety....?

[selfimmolates]

[he counts off on his fingers.]

Ruin, Justice, Ambition, and Cunning.

[good coping mechanisms: you can't have issues if you're too busy being terrified!!]